I Am A Pastor

To those who read my blog,

About a week or two ago, I was in my room, writing a sermon for Church. Correction, I was TRYING to write a sermon for Church. It was not going too well. I was stressed out all day and I was focussing on a few of the more embarrassing moments from the day. There was also exams, papers, and personal things on my mind. I couldn’t get past this that easily at all. Luckily, I had Josh Jacobs there. He came in and basically told me the hard truth that I needed to hear: beating down on yourself was not going to solve anything.

He then said something quite interesting. He told me that I wasn’t my mistakes but that I was a pastor. It never really occurred to me in the past, but my identity is wrapped up in this calling known as pastor. I am not training to be a pastor, I am not hoping to be a pastor one day. I am a pastor. Right here, right now, and even before this. No matter what happens in the future, no matter what job I take to pay the bills, I am a pastor.

This is not to say that I am not my own person and that I have no personality. It is to say that because of my life experiences and the calling that I chose to accept, I have been formed into this type of person called ‘pastor’ and there is no way for me to avoid it. I am a pastor. That is where my identity is anchored.

Now saying this, I am also saying that ‘pastor’ is not a professional choice. It is a lifestyle choice. It is the choice to go to the hospital at 1am to visit a dying man. It is the choice to go see a person in jail even if you detest what they did to deserve that. It is the choice to sacrifice every moment of your life to the glory of God (sometimes that does mean honouring your family and spending time with them. One cannot be a pastor and ditch those who are closest to him).

Now to define what a pastor is exactly would be a whole blog post on its own. If I were to skim it down, it would be something like a person whose deepest desire is to see the Church grow and helps lead it in that direction. There’s a lot more to it than that but I suppose as a simple explanation, it will do.

What does this mean for my life? Well, if I am bound to this identity and if it is bound to me, then it means I have to be careful about who I let into my life, and also disregard safety in that same matter. For example, I need to be quite careful about who it is that I pursue for marriage, because she must know about the struggles of a pastor and will also have to deal with the responsibilities of a pastors wife. In the same breath, I can’t be too picky about friendships. I have to live out love to everyone I can and speak love into many people’s lives. That means that I shouldn’t turn someone away from the start just because we don’t fully get along. All deserve love and I should be available for as many people as possible.
I don’t know if this blog post will help anyone, but at least I’ve articulated what I’ve been thinking about for the past couple of days.

Many blessings to you all.

Sincerely,
Joshua