Walking In The Garden

The New You

2011-06-22T02:43:00.001-07:00

To those who read my blog,

Today I was walking with a good friend (one who I hope to spend a lot of time with this summer). He mentioned recently reading a verse he was in lately. It was Romans 6:1-4. I owe this man a debt of gratitude because he helped me work out a bit more of what I believe with what the Father does to us when we have the Son and the Spirit is sent to bring us back to where the triune God intended us to be. I am hoping I am not too off-base with this, but it really did strike me. So here’s the verse:

¹ What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? ² By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? ³ Or don’t you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? ⁴ We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.

A danger we have to face as Christians is that when we start thinking about grace, we see it as being this free gift. We distance ourselves from the ‘saved by works’ train of thought so much that we end up using this free gift as much as we want.

Let me make something clear: I do not for one second believe we are saved by works. I may feel that way sometimes in my heart, but in my mind I know that we are saved by grace and grace is a free gift.

But when we start focusing too much on the ‘free gift’ we sometimes throw morality out the window. We justify things in our minds even though in our hearts, we may know what we are doing is extremely wrong. We forget about morality.

And when that happens, we become something dangerous. We speak about a loving God who wants to bring peace into this world and redeem every man, woman, and child but we live in such a way that promotes violence and anti-Christ behavior.

I have experienced people who work in Churches who look down on people as if they are above certain people. I known of women who have been on worship teams but who have also cheated on their husbands. I have heard terrible stories of regular attendees to a local Church who have raped their little girl; their own daughter! I know of people who wear crosses or will have Jesus’ name tattooed on their body and they will do terrible things to another person or to people in general.

These people continue sinning so that grace may increase and in doing so, they damage themselves and the people Jesus also died for. They take down the Church with their actions because for them, morality can take a dive. They have grace to fall back on.

I am also one of these people. There have been times when I have spoken of God’s greatness or have gone to Church and sung my heart out, or have listened to a sermon with a friend and then I have gone completely against God’s design for my life and did a stupid thing that hurt someone who I should loves deeply and who God already loves much more than anything I can muster.

But that isn’t me. Or rather, it isn’t me anymore. Sure, it’s a mask that I often visit, but it’s not me. It’s not who I am. I still own the sin. It is still mine, but what makes this so tragic is that I am now a saint and should not have anything to do with sin and yet I sin nonetheless.

I am a saint. I became a saint and ditched the identity of sinner when I asked Jesus to enter me, to guide me. To form me. You see, what I realized today as I walked and talked with my good friend is that when Jesus came into my life, he brought me over to a new reality and I stood face-to-face with a man I have never seen before. Jesus introduced me into who I was supposed to be before I welcomed sinfulness as my identity.

Why would I for one second even think about continuing in sin when I have met someone who is me and is closer to who I was always supposed to be than I am right now? In verse 4 Paul says, “We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.”

A new life. The old me is dead, why would I ever go back to death when I have this brand spanking new life to live?

I’ll tell you why I go back. It’s because I look at this new guy (let’s call him Joshua) and I get scared.

Joshua Proper is good with his money. Joshua works hard on all of his assignments and gets the grades he deserves even if they are only worth a ‘c’. Joshua thinks before he talks. Joshua talks to people as soon as he has issue with them and apologizes for even a moment of bitterness. Joshua stands up to the people who mistreat him without being sinful in what he says or does.

In short, Joshua is a really great guy and I don’t have the balls to be him when it’s so much easier to just be Josh. By the way, for those who wondered about this; you know how I go by Joshua and not by Josh? That was not an accident or a preference drilled into me by my parents. It was a choice. Josh was someone who lived only for himself whereas Joshua is a man who tries to live for Christ even when he spends a lot of time in failure which is why I actually do hate it when people call me Josh. That’s not who I am anymore despite all my sin.

I want to live as Joshua and not as Josh because God designed me as Joshua and not as Josh. I want to do it, but I’m scared and sometimes just plain stupid. I know the benefits of being a morally upright person in all ways and I know that is what Jesus had planned for me. I know that leaving sin behind will mean I will be showing more love to my fellow man and woman. I know that not sinning will help me enjoy life a lot more because even though there is a lot more hardship in what we do when we avoid the easy way, there is a lot more joy in knowing that we are acting in God’s plans and His plans speak love into creation. I know these things and I want these things but Joshua is a hard man to be and maybe I’m just lazy.

Should we continue in sin so that grace may abound? Not a chance! Jesus has so much more for us. He has made us new! We do not need to return to death at all! All we need to do is live the life Jesus wants us to live. That may be scary, it will require sacrifice, it may not be easier or even happier, but it will bring joy into your world, and that joy will spill out into the world of those around you.

-Joshua (not Josh)

The Toxic Substance Known as Fear

2011-05-10T01:31:00.001-07:00

To those who read my blog,

I have not talked to you for quite sometime and in fact, I have not been talking to a lot of people for a long time. Namely I have not been talking to one person who has been wanting to have a sit down with me for quite some time, but I have been avoiding Him like the plague for a while. Before I get into that, I want to share with you something I learned a while ago and had ingrained within me but for some reason have personally ignored it completely while proclaiming the truth of it for all to hear, because apparently I like being a lousy jerk of a hypocrite.

God hates fear. What God provides is love and that is the opposite of love. If you want to make any true impact for God in Jesus’ name, then get fear out of you and know His true love. Fear is only going to hold you back. If Jesus is calling you to more, then you must sacrifice anything that resembles fear because it does not belong in you and it’s going to make it hard for God to use you in what He wants you to do.

To illustrate, I want to quote something out of the book of Daniel found in the Old Testament. The story should be familiar to anyone who grew up going to Sunday School, but here it is. I stop at a certain place and if you don’t know the story, then please don’t read any more right now but wait until you’ve read the last of this blog entry before looking it up on biblegateway.com or your fancy non-electronic version of the Bible you might have (you lucky person, you). If you do know the story, pretend that you don’t when you go through this. It will help illustrate my point a bit better.

Daniel 3:8-18

^“8 At this time some astrologers came forward and denounced the Jews. ⁹ They said to King Nebuchadnezzar, "O king, live forever! ¹⁰ You have issued a decree, O king, that everyone who hears the sound of the horn, flute, zither, lyre, harp, pipes and all kinds of music must fall down and worship the image of gold, ¹¹ and that whoever does not fall down and worship will be thrown into a blazing furnace. ¹² But there are some Jews whom you have set over the affairs of the province of Babylon—Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego—who pay no attention to you, O king. They neither serve your gods nor worship the image of gold you have set up."

¹³ Furious with rage, Nebuchadnezzar summoned Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. So these men were brought before the king, ¹⁴ and Nebuchadnezzar said to them, "Is it true, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, that you do not serve my gods or worship the image of gold I have set up? ¹⁵ Now when you hear the sound of the horn, flute, zither, lyre, harp, pipes and all kinds of music, if you are ready to fall down and worship the image I made, very good. But if you do not worship it, you will be thrown immediately into a blazing furnace. Then what god will be able to rescue you from my hand?"

¹⁶ Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to the king, "O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. ¹⁷ If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. ¹⁸ But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up." ”

Did you notice how the story is not over yet? If you stop reading here, you don’t know if Shadrach, Meshach, or Abednego make it out alive or not and I am not going to tell you whether or not they do.

That’s not the point. The point is their attitude towards the whole thing. They know that they are going to be walking into a furnace, but they do not know if they are going to be walking out again.

I mean, read verses 16-18 again. The three guys basically say, “Our God will probably save us from this mess, but even if He doesn’t, the furnace is a lot better than serving something false.

The king tried to put fear into the hearts of these guys by threatening them with a painful death. They responded in loving obedience to God by not even entertaining that fear for a second but trusting that their God loves them too much to want them to devote any attention to a god that is not the true God of Israel.

So now here it comes. “How is Joshua T. Aitkenhead a hypocrite?” you might be asking. Well I’ll tell you. Although I have been pretty harsh to some people (one person in particular) for entertaining fears instead of trusting God (when they may have been trusting God the whole time anyways and I’ve only been thinking that they were not) I have not been living a life without fear. My fears are different. I fear God, but not in a good and respectable ‘Old Testament, fear the LORD almighty” sort of way. No, I have been fearing that He will not provide (which is utter bull crap). I also have been fearing myself. I fear that even if He does provide, I will just end up messing up His provisions so much that they will be utterly useless. Because I think I have screwed up everything He has given me.

Here’s just one example of a billion illustrations from my life where I feel I have screwed everything up beyond redemption:

A few weeks ago, I treated a person like utter trash because of a rumor about his friends that wasn’t even true. I had no reason to treat this excellent human being like any less than what they are, but I did and not even because he did anything to me, but because of rumors of what his friends apparently did to me (but they really didn’t). Lucky for me, God is forgiving and so is this man, but I look at experiences like that and I feel as if I just messed things up beyond the point of redemption.

And so I have not been talking to Jesus. Because I fear He will not provide, and I fear that even if He does provide, I’ll just throw it out the window or mess it up in some way.

In the middle of writing this blog, I took a break to stop and talk with Him. Things are about to get a lot more intense for me if I listen to what He had to say to me tonight. I just hope I can ditch these useless fears in order to walk in what He wants from me.

Much love from a place of great pain and confusion,

Joshua

Do You Remember That Time We Were Supposed to be Love to the World?

2011-03-12T23:35:00.001-08:00

To those who read my blog,

It’s been a while, but something has come up that I needed to address: Love and our lack of it.

As many of you (if not all) should know, Japan had suffered a major natural disaster of an 8.9 level earthquake in Northern Japan which also resulted in a powerful tsunami. I may have been one of the first Canadians to hear about it as my roommate is a missionary kid from Japan and his family is there right now. I was beside him when he was online late at night getting the news.

The next day all the facebook statuses changed. Here in Canada they changed to things like, “praying for our brothers and sisters in Japan♥”, “God please help Japan...”, and “…is joining in prayer for Japan”.

That last one attracted the attention of an atheist who asked what would prayer do which then had Christians responding in a way to defend their faith, which then turned to insulting the atheist in question.

The important matter of Japan needing prayer and other forms of help was put to the side so people could defend their faith by insulting a fellow human being. Let that sink in for a moment. We completely ditched the Jesus inspired action of looking out for a fellow human beings in order to tear into a fellow human being. That is terrible.

What’s worse are the facebook statuses I only presume came from South of the Border. For those interested, here they are! The most disturbing comment came from one ‘Mike Sellitto’ in which he says, “Hell yeah that’s right japan 3-1 you may have had pearl harbor but we got Hiroshima, Nagasaki, and, since God is on our side, we have this. SCOOOREEEBOOOAARRDD” (emphasis added).

Really Mike? God is on our side? You just reminded us that we dropped bombs on Japan causing not just the deaths of not just people guilty of allying with the Germans in the war, but also the people in Japan who did not support the war (and if you tell me there was not a single Japanese person who was against a massive war who was also living in Hiroshima, then I will kindly tell you that you are full of it and if you ask me what “it” is, you will hear a slew of profanities not right for public speech). Not only them, but the generations who followed had a string of bad luck in getting leukemia (because of the after effects of a nuclear bomb being dropped).

Most of the people in that picture called it Karma. The Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor and so 70 years later a tsunami hit. One guy even went as far as to say the war started because of Pearl Harbor (which is a stupid thing to me as I know very little about history and even I know that the war started before that in Europe and America did nothing about the cruelty put on the people getting hurt in that war until a few years later when Pearl Harbor got hit). What did the Americans do in response to Pearl Harbor? Well first off they made sure all the Japanese in their country were neutralized by taking people out of their homes and putting them in camps (basically imprisoning people because of their ethnic background… kind of like that guy Hitler was doing but not to the same extent). If you’d like to learn a bit about this without research, check out this song by Fort Minor called Kenji:

Here’s another history lesson: In 1945 The Americans ordered a surrender on July 26th and on August 6th the bomb was dropped. No warning shots, nothing. The worst type of bomb ever made dropped on a country because of a miscommunication (seriously, read this article on what happened when Japan was asked to surrender). The war was not started by a conflict between Japan and and America, but it sure as hell ended because of one!

I have a question. Where in all of this is Jesus? When a status is posted proclaiming that we should be praying for Japan and some goes on a rant about there being no god… is it our place to argue with them and forget about the bigger picture? Or do you think Jesus wants us to ignore those comments and maybe even delete those comments so that our eyes can be on the prize (the prize being coming to the aid of a nation who needs us?)

Ok so let’s do a little test. A comparison test. Here is an article that basically tells of how South Koreans are helping Japan. The test is to see which Christian culture did the best job of representing Jesus.

Pearl Harbor:

Pearl Harbor sucked. I would not know personally, but I bet it sucked a lot for americans. But do you know what else sucks? Because of Pearl Harbor, innocent Japanese people got placed in internment camps and their homeland gets bombed at a questionable time in the war (right near the end and only after around 11 days of negotiations).

A few years later a bad thing happens to Japan and a lot of people start saying the same thing in a different way: we will NEVER forgive you for Pearl Harbor!”

Major Oppression Lasting Years:

From 1592-1598 Japan invaded Korea. Between 1910-1945, Japan controled the nation of Korea. I’ve heard that one thing that Japanese would do is cut down all the trees in Korea because Koreans held trees to be quite special. This was a travesty and mean-spirited. I think a similar act would be if I went to the USA after it was taken over and started hunting the bald eagle to extinction.

A few years later a bad thing happens to Japan and how does Korea act? Well here's another thing you should look at to know how Korea acted. Basically, Korea showed that they had forgiven the Japanese for what they have done and even now offer support to people that were tormentors.

One of my profs once said, WWJD (What Would Jesus Do) is not the right thing to be asking. The right thing to be asking is WIJD (What is Jesus doing). Well, what is He doing? Is He busy getting into arguments with atheists to the point of insulting them thereby taking the stance that Japan is not worth talking about? Is He joining the whole karma kraze that seems to have swept into the minds of a few Americans?

Or is He doing something wonderful, like forgiving Japan for Pearl Harbor and a conquering of a people? Is he mending the hearts of entire countries who were at odds for so very long?

The first “Christian nation” North America (yes we’re lumped into this as well) has said, “We will never forget what’s happened and we will continue to hold you to your sins because of all that you have done to us”. They said it through their actions of being outraged with their governments support of Japan, and the fact that some people are keeping a score board.

Another Christian country took a stand and said, “though we will not forget our past, we will not let it dictate our futures. We will forgive Japan and show them love”. they said this through their actions of coming to the aid of Japan.

Where is Jesus in this? You tell me. Look at the story of the Good Samaritan…. a guy who got mugged and was ignored because of whatever reasons, but was picked up by someone whose ethnicity is at war with the ethnicity of the person he is now protecting and providing for. Tell me, what did Jesus mean when He said, “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you”?

I will end this blog off with a video. I think it sums up for me how I feel about all of this craziness.

What will I do? I don’t quite know the specifics yet, but prayer is going to be there. Possibly my bank account will take another hit. Japan deserves our love not because they have earned it, but because Jesus wants them to have it. I want to get on board with what Jesus is doing and I think He is gathering people to help Japan and remind them that there is a God who loves them.

Please pass this blog around to friends so they can see this as well.

With Love,

Joshua

Any sources I got were from Wikipedia (which I know is not the most reliable) unless it was a direct link in which case you can see where it comes from.

PPS

This blog has been edited on April 16th, 2010

Making God Laugh

2010-12-14T19:53:00.001-08:00

To those who read my blog,

One of my good friends has a saying, “If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans”. For example, if I (and please remember, this is only an example) were to boldly proclaim in a blog post that for the next four years I would be single and I would probably meet my next girlfriend in Ontario, and if those were my plans, well then God may put a young woman into my life in order to show me just how silly my plans really are!

My dear followers, I have a girlfriend! Yes, the same guy who in May realized that he did not need a woman and that the single life was very desirable. The same guy who posted a picture of something representing the “friend zone” and tagged himself in it. The same guy who at the beginning of the year would hear one of his best friends say, “Hey Joshua, freshmen ladies!” and then a shudder would creep throughout his very bones. The very same guy who on September 30th, wrote a blog entry declaring that I would probably be single for quite some time. Yes ladies and gentlemen, I have a girlfriend!

I’d show you a picture of the two of us together, but I don’t know how she would feel about that as this blog could be viewed by anyone, but I must do one thing: an apology. I am sorry. I am sorry to all the men of the world. I am sorry that I took the most beautiful woman in the world off the market. It’s done! She is taken. Better luck next time!

In all seriousness, I cannot be happier. This woman is not only gorgeous, but that is the least of her awesome qualities (and if you saw her, you would know that it would be hard for anything to even match her beauty, let alone surpass it). She is godly, she is kind, she is sweet, she is wonderful and I like her a lot.

Not too sure how far her and I go, but I am a hopeful realist. I guess I could start right now on making plans for the two of us, but I would rather make God laugh in different ways

-Joshua

Swing Dancing Fun from the Pages of Balaam’s Donkey ^_^

2010-11-26T23:03:00.001-08:00

To those who read my blog,

Recently I was interviewed for our school newspaper on my views on swing dancing. I decided to post this interview of me on facebook so you might get an understanding of what I think about when I dance. For those of you who are not Christian and are reading this, I am not asking you to understand why I feel this way but only know that I do feel this way. For those of you who wish to question me further, please do! I do not mind at all :)

So without any further stalling, THE INTERVIEW! Enjoy ^_^

Devoted readers of this fine newspaper are no doubt already familiar with Joshua Aitkenhead, the VP of Spiritual Life for Ambrose Student Council. But in addition to his heart for the Lord and desire to see others grow in faith, Joshua also has a passion for spreading joy through swing dancing, and I had the privilege of hearing about how he hopes to share all three with the Ambrose community. But what is swing dancing?

Traditionally done in rotating pairs, swing is a social dance. Rather than being itself a type of dance, swing combines many dances from the 1920s through to the 1940s such as the Lindy hop, the Charleston, Blues, Balboa and Jazz dancing. While the dancers are required to hold hands, swing is comparably low contact, using open formation, as opposed to the closed formation of other more traditional social dances. The eclectic nature of the dance, the simple core step, and the steady backbeat of the music allow for significant freedom and creativity, as well as being forgiving to people who are still learning. After declining in popularity through the 1960s, swing, or neo-swing, made a comeback in urban centers in the late 1990s and seems to once again be here to stay. Calgary is no exception, and swing has also caught the interest of some Ambrose students, Joshua in particular.

Kelsey: "How long have you been dancing, and what made you decide to start?"

Joshua: "Well, I went to my first actual swing dance event last November and started taking lessons at the UofC in January. I've wanted to do swing dancing since my freshman year, but I never had anyone to go with; last year a good friend told me about this (Swing Dance Calgary) and invited me along, so I went."

Kelsey: "Why swing?"

Joshua: "It just looked fun. Besides I do like to suit up and swing dance encourages that! Also a lot of other types of dances were just too intimate."

Kelsey: "I have heard you are hoping to start up a Swing Dance club at Ambrose, what do you envision for this potential club, and why have one here?"

Joshua: "Well, first off, I want to spread the love of dance to the students of Ambrose.

Dancing is not only a great way to socialize and work out, but also a great way to have fun without spending a lot of money. Secondly, I want to have people see that dancing can be done as worship and can teach us about our relationship with God. I long for the days when God will lead me perfectly in a wonderful dance where I can show off His majesty without taking away what He has made me to be. Ask me how I feel when I dance."

Kelsey: "Um...Joshua, how do you feel when you dance?"

Joshua: "I feel like I am living out a beautiful existence. I feel like I am doing something for the woman I am dancing with in that when I execute a move she ends up looking great and I am overwhelmed by the smile that appears on her face. Because it means that whatever is going on right now in her life, she is happy in that moment, and whatever is going on in my life, I am happy that I brought joy to someone else!"

Kelsey: "Why should students care about this group?"

Joshua: "Why? Students should care for a couple reasons: One, not all of us can sing and yet music is prevalent in our worship services. Sometimes I just dance in order to worship in a service (or at least bob up and down). Secondly, dancing is one of the things that are mentioned in the Bible as being a legit worship experience, but Christians often seem to say it's wrong. I believe Jesus wants to redeem dancing to what it was supposed to be! And most importantly, it's a lot of fun!"

A Week of Devotion to God!

2010-10-23T00:32:00.001-07:00

To those who read my blog,

This past week has been a week devoted to getting to know God. I would say this started with the Spiritual Retreat on Saturday and carried on through the Spiritual Emphasis Days (or if you're a woman, then it ended with Female Frenzy which I hear was a blast). I'd like to take you through this week as well as I can so you can get a picture of how Ambrose University College is reaching out to our Father.

Spiritual Retreat:

As V.P. of Spiritual Life at Ambrose, it is my job to put on Spiritual Retreat. The theme I picked out for student council spiritual stuff is "Struggling with God". This came out in a few ways throughout the retreat. First we did a prayer walk. On this walk we stopped off at a stair case that was sandwiched in between two areas with amazing houses. I told the people to look out over the houses and see the beauty of them. I wanted them to see how big theses houses are because there are a lot of people who don't get to live in houses as nice as the ones we saw. Basically I wanted the people to struggle with the fact that we have so much, and others have so little.

After the prayer walk, we went back to my house and shared fellowship over food. We got to know one another a little better and then we got to know most of the members of Team Peniel (the spiritual formation team at Ambrose) a little better through testimony. The only one who did not share their testimony was me. But everyone else on the team did! Their lives showed a lot of struggle and trust for God. It was such a blessing to see.

Beggar's Feast:

I was happy to see Corey Garnett (our Beggar's Feast co-ordinator) lead Beggar's this time round. He did a great job. He chose a very specific theme (as all leaders of Beggar's Feast will have to do) and that theme was 'Jesus is Lord of all'. I was blessed to be allowed to read scripture at this event. I chose Joshua 24:22 which reads, "Then Joshua said to the people, "You are witnesses against yourselves that you have chosen the LORD, to serve Him." And they said, "We are witnesses". I did this very intentionally so that I (a different Joshua) could charge the people in the same manner. I wanted them to say (at least to themselves, if not out loud) that they would be witnesses to the Almighty and therefore make Him to be the Lord of their lives!

I had two favourite parts to Beggar's, though. The first was being able to pray with and for a good friend of mine, and the second was how Corey ended the feast. A lot of worship leaders leave people on a happy note with an upbeat song, but Corey did not. He left the people with a song that was much more introspective. He left the people thinking about their relationship with God (or at least that's how I felt). It is so easy to do what everyone else does, but Corey went against the grain and did what he needed to do to get Jesus' love across!

Spiritual Emphasis Days:

You know those Billy Graham type guys who get up on stage and just preach it? Well we had the privilege, nay, the amazing honour, to be in the presence of a guy like that. Dr. Barry Moore (Dr. Tim Moore's father) came all the way from the beautiful lad of Ontario to bring the heat like nothing else! Now don't get me wrong, there were some things that I did not like in what Dr. Moore had to say. I did not like how Dr. Moore separated the social work of the Church completely from evangelism. Actually, it was kind of funny. There were break-out sessions. I was able to go to 3/5 of them. The first one I went to was about a Church on the Fringe. This Church meets in a bar to reach out to the broken. One of the things they mentioned was how they just lived their lives in a way that was separated from what the world does and they don't even mention Jesus all the time.

Dr. Moore talked about only mentioning Jesus and these people talked about avoiding talking about Jesus. I fall in the middle. I personally think we need to earn the right to tell people about our Saviour and God. I don't believe that with every person we come across, we have to share the entirety of the Gospel (although God does open the doors for that sometimes) but we do have to share the gospel with people who we have earned the right to speak to. A lot of people have been hurt by well-meaning Christians and so Church becomes a tough conversation. If we don't know where they are coming from, then we won't know how to tell them about Jesus.

I think this idea is backed by scripture as well seeing as Jesus did a lot of healing and feeding, and loving. I can think of one exception off the top of my head where Jesus pressed for salvation first and that was when a paralytic was lowered into a house where Jesus was because the crowd was too thick for his friends to get him in. Jesus took away the man's sins first AND THEN he took away his illness. I think this story demonstrates where God places the topic of salvation. Jesus considers salvation of more value than health and well being. So even though I say, "we need to earn the right" I still believe that we also need to give people the message of salvation as it is the most important message someone can hear! I may one day take a bullet for someone and therefore save their life, but I did nothing for that person if they don't know Jesus. Maybe it would make it easier for them to know Jesus, but it is still nothing if they do not form a relationship with Jesus.

All in all, I was impressed with the Spiritual Emphasis Days. Dor. Moore brought what we needed to the campus: an urgency for the gospel. Dr. Moore's heart was and is to see as many people come to know Jesus as possible. For him, there is not greater calling! Jesus is who he wants you to know and that is why he pushed so hard for us to evangelize.

Summary:

Between struggling, Lordship, and evangelism, this week has been phenomenal! I learned so much about what it means to have a deep relationship with Christ and I am happier for it. I want to encourage you all, oh readers of my blog, that if you don't know Jesus, get to know Him as Lord, struggle with Him on issues you don't quite understand, and then share Him with the people around you because at the end of the day, He is what truly matters!

Sincerely,

Joshua

Struggling With God

2010-10-11T00:23:00.000-07:00

To those who read my blog,

Here is what I preached at Chapel when it was the Student Council Chapel. I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed preaching it!

Genesis 32:22-32 [NASB]

The theme for Chapel this year has already been repeated many times, but I will say it one more time: The light is everywhere. Jesus is the light. Jesus is everywhere. Light is a funny thing, though. It can be great for growth, but only because when we enter the light, we end up seeing the things that don’t sit quite right. We may see things that are holding us back from other people, or from doing our best, or most importantly from Jesus who we need to have remain at our center. And so we come to this passage in Genesis about a man who seems to actually wrestle with the One true God.
As people of the word, we probably all know the story of Jacob and Esau, but to give this verse a bit of context, let me remind you what is happening. Jacob is about to meet with his older brother Esau and he’s not feeling too sure of himself, and with good reason too!
Jacob was a jerk. His older brother, Esau, wanted some food, and Jacob made Esau give him his birthright for it. A birthright is the right of the older son. Instead of being a gracious brother, Jacob takes this right away from Esau. This means that Jacob, the younger son, will receive double the inheritance that his brother deserved to have.
Jacob also did another devious thing to his older brother and also to his father. Jacob stole the blessing from his father which was meant for his brother. He did this by disguising himself as his brother.
He is so scared of coming in contact with his brother that he prepares a huge gift that included 220 goats and a bunch of other animals. Jacob is seriously hoping to hopefully buy his brother out of seeking revenge.
So you’re in the wilderness and are about to face someone you have wronged so badly, what do you do? Well why not fight some random person? That seems pretty logical, right? It’s what Jacob does. When the man can’t prevail over Jacob, he strikes Jacob on the hip but Jacob would not let him go until the man blessed him. Perhaps Jacob thought, “If I can just get this one blessing, everything will be alright”.
The man responds and asks for Jacob’s name, but then renames him Israel which means, struggles with God.
If what this man was saying was true, it means that Jacob actually fought with God. Not only did Jacob fight with God, but Jacob walked out of his fight with God seeing His face. And so Jacob called the place Peniel because Peniel means face of God and that was what Jacob saw, and he lived.
Student Council this year has one central theme. Every time we make a decision in student council, we ask, “is this enriching the lives of students?” and if the answer is no, we decide to scrap it. So when it came to spirituality, the question Ryan had to ask when I brought this secondary theme to him was, “will struggling with God enrich the lives of students” and him and I agree that yes, struggling with God is good, but it is hard.
There are two ways I want you to struggle with God this year. The first is theologically. Here is what I mean. When I came to Ambrose five years ago, I was a seven day creationist. I was so much a seven day creationist that I even considered people who did not believe in a seven day creation were not real Christians. I pretty much had God figured out and I just needed to go to Bible college to polish things off. When I got to Ambrose, I encountered a certain teacher. A professor who is so amazing that he even got a floor named after him not just while he was still alive, but also while he was still a teacher. This man’s name is Gerry Hall (pause) and even people who once lived on that long abandoned floor are willing to yell out his name as you can tell.
The course that Gerry taught was called Bible and the Reader and it was eventually split up into two courses: Old Testament and New Testament. It is no exaggeration that I loved this class. It was an amazing experience. Well one day Gerry brought up the seven day creation account, and when he talked about it actually sounded as if he did not believe that the seven day account was accurate! But that makes no sense. Gerry Hall is an amazing person! He was passionate about the Bible and it showed in his teaching. How could he NOT believe in something so obviously true?
I did not know what to do, so I bugged him about this. Not just in class, either. I visited him at his office and even snagged him when he was walking back from Chapel one day. This man was more than willing to talk to me and he even was willing to listen to my views even though my views were that of a freshman who only knew what his home church taught him.
So I did my research paper on Genesis 1:1-2:4a and I got an A-. I put in a few solid nights into that paper and was close to not finishing it on time. I have never worked so hard on a paper as I did that one. I needed to know what I believed and I walked away from that paper with a good grade, but more importantly, I came away with an understanding of what it means to be willing to change your views when you are confronted with something different than you expected. I wrestled with God, and I came away seeing His face. And because I saw His face I understood that I knew very little about God and I also understood I would not just need a little polishing off, but I would need to be broken down over and over, and then built back up over and over.
Why do we fight so hard to try and be right all the time? We sometimes enter into debates and instead of trying to understand the other person, we end up just trying to be right. I am sometimes very guilty of this myself. I know the temptation to be right all the time. But it is not me I should be promoting, but Jesus and there are other people who know Jesus and a lot of them know Jesus a lot better than I do. When we wrestle with others over points of theology to be right, we are not wrestling with the right person, and we end up only seeing our own face. Our face is not who we are supposed to see.
This school is composed primarily on two denominations: The Christian and Missionary Alliance and the Church of the Nazarene. Right now I am in a class called Alliance History and Thought which I believe everyone at this school should take because it’s hard to leave that class without feeling inspired towards the things of God. Something interesting I found out about the Alliance was that it was formed around people who would have disagreed with each other in major ways. To give you an example: there was an Anglican who would have been quite familiar with the worshipful experience known as communion and also someone from the Salvation Army Church which does not celebrate communion. These people may have disagreed with each other, but they gathered around the most important person: Jesus Christ. It was out of love for Jesus that they formed that organization that would become a denomination.
So sometimes we struggle with God theologically, but there are times when we struggle with God in a much harder way. Instead of asking God, “do you do things this way?” we ask God, “why is this happening to me?” and it’s when we are asking God this, that our faith becomes so much more real and we find out what it means to follow God. Let me tell you about the end of my summer and the beginning of my school year.
I have a team to help me out with Ambrose spirituality. In a month I went from having four willing people on this team to two: myself and the Beggar’s Feast co-ordinator, Corey Garnett. At the end of the summer, I found out I would not really have enough money to take more than a couple courses, but I was also too poor to pay back student loans so I had to take at least 3 courses. Then there was an issue with how one ministry was going to be run, and then there was this huge problem between me and my best friends, and then in the first week of school I realized that my program was extremely messed up, and then my land-lord sent me an email saying that the rent cheques I sent were not signed and then I found out that the rent cheques I sent to my land lord which were signed were returned to me for no apparent reason, and then I found out that I was the victim of bank fraud, and finally, I stuck my foot in my mouth and offended one of my sisters in a huge way! During the leadership retreat a seminary student told our team that if our theme for the school year was struggling with God then we better be ready for struggle. I did not realize how right this guy would be.
I don’t know what God was trying to teach me through those struggles. Maybe patience, maybe more of a reliance in Him... I am not sure. But whatever it was, it needed to be taught and I needed to be ready and willing to struggle through this. I will walked out seeing the face of God and because I saw His face, and He was there. I just had to go along with God on this one and rely on His Spirit!
I recently fell in love with the band known as Metric. They have a song called Twilight Galaxy and in this the singer says, “go higher than high, go lower than deep, keep doing it wrong, keep singing along”. I like to insert some words there. I like to pretend she means, “If you go higher than high or if you go lower than deep, even if you keep doing it wrong, keep singing along.” Sometimes we just need to keep singing along even when the world is just beating the crap out of us!
Jacob wrestled with God, and then he had the guts to even ask for a blessing. When life is kicking you when you’re down, do you have what it takes to ask God for a blessing? I’ll be honest, sometimes I do have the guts but this past time I did not! Here’s the thing, though, Jesus always blesses. His blessing may not be something we understand, but it is always there for you. It does not matter how much life is giving you, Jesus will always be willing to bless if you are willing to go through the struggle with Him and even if you’re not! I used to think that God helps those who help themselves, but I heard Ray Aldred say something a bit different once: God helps us because we can’t help ourselves! He may not deliver us completely out of the time of trial, but He will always be there with us so that He can pick us back up once we have fallen down. He is always there when we are struggling!
Jacob wrestled with God and saw God’s face; are you willing to do the same? And so we come to the table, because that is where the brokenness of fallen humanity meets with the glory of the divine. We come to the table where Jesus is already sitting. He’s there and He’s willing to talk to you. He’s willing to go through this struggle with you because He loves you and wants you to know Him and understand Him better! At this table, God is waiting to wrestle with you. He’s waiting and He’s saying, “This is My body, it is broken for you. This is My blood, poured out for you. Come. Eat. Drink. Be with Me!” So if you’re ready, please come forward and receive communion. If you need it, there are two people here who would live to pray with you and I am here as well for the duration of communion. Come and partake! Jesus is waiting for you!

Fun Realization

2010-10-10T01:31:00.000-07:00

To those who read my blog,

A funny thing happened yesterday and I thought it would be a good thing to share.

I got on the bus to head out to meet a dear friend for coffee. I was not in the best state of mind.

I get to the bus stop which is right outside my house and I find one of the freshmen standing there. We strike up a conversation and talk about a lot of different things. I suppose because I was in a weird place at the time I was more prone to whining and when she asked about a few past ministries I have been involved with which ended up being places where more people were hurt than cared for, I speaking negatively about them. I was putting these places down because they were not the greatest examples of Christian love that I have seen. Places that turn away people because of religious belief and cared more about the numbers they could get rather than the love they could share with the people coming in.

The girl I was talking with stopped me and said something along the lines of, "Wow Joshua, you seem to have had a lot of negative experience with Christian organizations and yet you're still a Christian yourself".

I then had one of those very rare moments where I displayed utter brilliance. I said to her something like, "I love the people, it was just the way they were going about things that I hated. Also they helped inspire me to do good. Also we are all fallen people. Even now someone could have heard something I said in Chapel and said to themselves 'that Joshua guy seems a bit off-base in what he's saying, I don't know if I agree with that at all'". I think essentially I was saying two things:

1) I was saying that it doesn't matter what people do or how they treat you in a given circumstance, they are still lovable (something I am grateful for because it means I am still lovable).

2) Just because I have Christ in my life it does not mean I will be perfect in conduct or in speech. I will mess up, my theology at times will be a bit wonky, and I will need to be forgiven. However, even though all those things are true, my fallen nature can still serve in inspiring others to do good. I guess that's a complicated way of saying that the Father can work all things to His good... even the terrible ones.

When this girl mentioned that I had bad experiences with Christian organizations I realized I have not fully forgiven these places for what I went through because I was speaking bitterly about them. Forgiveness is essential for anyone to live a free life. Bitterness is a poison that you yourself drink, but you expect the other person to get sick.

So here is where this kind of comes to a head and become really cool. After my coffee date I went off to Swing as it was a Friday and I was itching to do some dancing. At the dance I re-met a girl who I accidentally hurt a couple months back. Her feelings were damaged even though it was not my intent to hurt her whatsoever. However we are fallen people and fallen people are hurt people and hurt people will hurt people. She was not over this hurt and I could very much tell in the way she was talking with me. She kept bringing up the hurt and would not let me forget. It was within a Christian context that I had hurt her. She may go away from that and never forget it, but thankfully we both serve a God who works all things to His good. The Spirit can guide her within her hurt and might use that experience to help others not get hurt in that way. At least that's what my prayer for her is. I would rather her not forget this hurt but use it to spread love.

It was kind of cool to see this come full circle. Anyways... that was my fun realization. I hope you enjoyed.

-Joshua

Awesome Ladies, Singleness, and Ontario!

2010-09-30T00:24:00.000-07:00

To those who read my blog,

Yes, I know, it's been forever. I am sorry if you are thoroughly enthralled by my blog. I'll try to be a bit better at updating this here space!

So. Women, eh? The school year has started and I have met some fantastic women at Ambrose. Women who have a desire to seek God. Women who are fun. Women who enjoy life. Women who are beautiful. Women who I will not be dating.

I realized something this past summer something kind of cool. Lately I have been getting closer with my family. Last Christmas when I went home, it was big for me. I loved it. There is now one girl in my life who I want to see more than anything and that girl is my niece. In fact,so I can spend a good two weeks with my family, I am going to be working this Christmas break non-stop to save up for a trip to Ontario next summer. I love my family.

Well, this past summer I let my eyes wander a bit and I fell for a young woman. She is amazing in many ways. She is an environmentalist, she cares deeply for people, and she is beautiful. In fact, there was only one quality she lacked but this quality was the one quality that was necessary for me to really want to pursue a relationship with her: a relationship with Christ. Besides her not being a Christian, she was perfect. One of the best things, though, was her love of family. Not just her biological family, but also the family she had in fellow performers of an opera company (that's right, opera! I told you she was awesome). She once said she would not be willing to leave Calgary because of them.

Here is my thought: if part of the reason I want to move back to Ontario is so I can be close to my family, then what right do I have to ask a lady to move back with me when she has to leave her family? The answer? No right. I have no right whatsoever. And actually, if I care about family as much as I say I do, then wouldn't I be wanting to spend time with my in-laws as well?

I think I will meet my future wife in Ontario. I am done school in 2014 so that's when I'll be back in Ontario (probably). I think now is a time for me to recognize the women God has put into my life, and love them for the friends they are.

Please do not misunderstand. If I meet a special lady here at Ambrose (or Calgary in general) and God says, "Dude, what are you waiting for?" I am going to pursue her. I just don't think it's going to happen yet. I'm willing to wait for this woman, though. As awesome as other ladies are, in my opinion, the woman God has in mind for me is going to be a billion times better (or at least better for me)! When all is said and done, this is just another way to trust in God for His plan to be revealed in His time ^_^

-Joshua

Prostitution

2010-07-11T00:43:00.001-07:00

To those who read my blog,

Today I am going to do something a bit different. I work as a security guard in a business building down town. It is located right behind a strip club which means there are a bunch of prostitutes who also hang around. I am going to post something written by me last night right after an encounter with a prostitute and then I will talk a bit about how it played out in my life today.

Last Night

I work right behind a strip club called The French Maid. As I am right behind a strip club, the area I work in has a lot of prostitutes. Today I came across one as she was doing business with a man. As I approached while on patrol the man left and she remained. I could not help but look at her face. Her sweet innocent face had swelled with fear and looked upon my face. As I had made eye contact I felt compelled to say ‘hello’ and so I did. She asked me where I was going. I told her quite simply that I was doing a perimeter patrol. I walked on. After I passed her and got about ten to fifteen feet ahead of her, she started walking my way and it had occurred to me that she was going after the “John” (“John” refers to men who hire out prostitutes instead of a specific person) she had been talking to earlier.

My heart near stopped. I did not know what to do. I still don’t know what to do. How am I to respond to her question of “Where are you going”? Do I ask her in turn where she is going? “Are you going into the arms of a man who is only going to use your body and then dump you? Are you going to perform some act upon a man that will be the ruin of your soul and his?” Seriously, how does one react to this?

I immediately thought of my four older sisters, and my nieces, and my mom. I thought of how if some guy came up to any of them and offered them a few hundred bucks for a “good time” that I would feel honor bound to kick that guys ass so hard he would not be able to poop for a year! There is no “good time” for either the prostitute or the man “renting” their body.

I got in front of my building and I started praying. I asked God where He was. I asked Him if He truly cared for the prostitute. I asked Him if I did enough in that situation or if I could have done more. Truly, I don’t know what I could have done. Some prostitutes do it because they have no other way of getting money. Both last summer and this summer have been quite tough on me personally. The job market is just slim pickings right now. I know of a few friends who have had little success in the job market this year. If all it was, was money then maybe after saving up a lot of money I could help them out. I am dirt poor though! I am barely making it through on my own! How am I supposed to pay for another human being to get off the streets and away from harmful people?

Besides that, I think there has to be something more behind it than just money. Perhaps this woman has a need for companionship that she does not know how to satisfy. Maybe she has a longing to be with men and this is the only way she thinks can express it. But after so many men have used and abused these women, how am I supposed to show her that I genuinely care for her? And going on from there, do I genuinely care for her?

As a man in the social and economical standing that I find myself in I feel utterly hopeless to help these poor women who are getting hurt time after time! I am useless! The only thing I feel I could do is pray but even that seems a bit fruitless as it just seems like God is not here in these streets. I know God is everywhere, but where is He in the lives of these precious women who I know He loves so dearly? I am at a loss! How can I be of any consequence to any of these women? How can I show love in this situation? What is the proper response for the question, “where are you going”? The only answer I can think of at all is, “to pray for your safety” but I did not give her that answer, did I?

Today

I got up early today (around noon… for a night guard, that’s real early). I did not have work but rather a more important appointment to spend time with some good friends. At some point I went on the bus to see these people and I had my Ipod on. Although the music was playing, all I could think about were the prostitutes and how I could not do anything for them.

This thing, this problem obsessed my mind. I could not shake it. Eventually it drove me to shut off my music and pray again. I cannot remember exactly what I prayed for but I started to get the feeling that maybe there was one thing I could do. I thought about how these women may not have been loved even as children which could of either drove them from their homes at an early age where they needed to fend for themselves and prostitution became a means to an end, or maybe because the men in their lives did not show them love, they sought it out in different ways.

I thought about one of my nieces. Her father is amazing! I love him so much. My sister could not have picked a better man for her life partner than this guy. Part of his charm is that he loves his family so very much and would do anything for them. I don’t really have to worry about him not showing love to my niece, but there are other men in my nieces life. One of those men happen to be me.

I can do nothing that I can see for the ones who walk the street right now. I am not equipped with training to help them, nor would they necessarily be able to even talk to a man after the abuse they have seen. All I can do for them is pray (which is still a lot but is frustrating when you might never see the results).

What I can do is act in the lives of any girl or women I come across. I can treat them like a human being. I can treat them as my equal. I can love them. I can hold open doors for them so they know they are worth something because they are worth something. They are valuable. They are my equal.

I called up my niece and talked to her dad, my brother in law, about what happened to me last night and I told him how much I respected him and think he is doing a great job but that I needed to also do more. Eventually my niece came home (her and my sister went to the store for salad dressing) and I got her on the phone and I told her how I felt about her. How I love her very much and that she is important to me. I want to do my part in keeping women off the street, and it started with making sure my niece knew someone loves her and thinks she has value.

One final thought. One of the people I respect the most is Mother Theresa. I really want to read her autobiography entitled My Life for the Poor. I have read snippets and the one thing I have noticed is that when Mother Theresa looks at a person, she sees Jesus in them. For Mother Theresa, there are no whores. There are only people carrying the Imago Dei. Should we not work our butts off to make sure the Imago Dei, the image of God Himself, not be tarnished? Prostitutes need love as well and also… well, the Johns and pimps do as well. They may be the ones who are the main help in creating the oppression that is prostitution, but they also carry the Imago Dei. We are all humans and as such, we need to love one another as if the other person is a gift from God… because they are!

-Joshua

Perfect Theology: The Myth of Being Right!

2010-06-19T00:25:00.001-07:00

To Those Who Read My Blog,

Hi! It has been a while, hasn’t it? I need to be better at updating this thing…

So, let me just get you caught up on what’s been happening in my life before I get into the meat and potatoes of what I want to talk about.

I’m done school for the year but don’t know how I did. I have some things about this past year that I love. Men’s ministry and Swing Dancing are the two most important things I think. I have one huge regret. That regret is not spending enough time with my last Church.

Speaking about this Church, I left. I felt God telling me not to be in ministry this summer because I’m going to be in ministry this fall and winter at school. As my church is small and I have a bit of training it would have been hard for me to not do ministry there. I miss those people so much right now. I don’t know if any of them read my blog but if you do, I think about you all daily and you’re not far when I pray!

Well, seeing as I did leave my Church, I have been looking at other places. One was a Jewish Synagogue that I don’t think I’ll be returning to as they do a few things I am really against (tract ministry being one of those things :s ). I also went to a Catholic rally that happens every Tuesday night and it is here that I want to dwell as the focus of my blog post.

A guy came up to me afterward and immediately after finding out I was a protestant he said to me “You know in John 6 when Jesus talks about eating His flesh and drinking His blood? How is it that you can think that he’s speaking figuratively when he is so clearly speaking literally”. That bugged me for a while and I did not know why, but then it hit me today. It bugs me because how did this guy know Jesus was speaking literally? The reference is John 6:25-59 (though more so near the end). I find whenever Jesus speaks, He goes in and out of figurative language so it’s hard to tell when He is talking figuratively and when He’s not.

This guy I was talking to was referring to transubstantiation which says that the bread and wine actually become the flesh and blood of Christ which I am not against but don’t think is the way communion works. And that’s my point, really. This guy took an offensive approach defending his theology and saying that he was right. He also criticized my thinking by phrasing it as “how can you believe…” as in “how could you be so stupid as to even think that for a second”. He did not say it like that, but that’s the way it came across. I am sure that he left that argument thinking he won, I left that argument wondering why there was an argument at all.

The truth of the matter is that Jesus is special. He is special because He is mysterious and we can’t get Him completely figured out. We can get ideas about Him, and we can even say some pretty solid things about Him like the things proclaimed in the Nicene or Apostle’s Creed but some things are a mystery. One of those things being the mystery of communion. What does happen in the Eucharist? What is so special about it? Truth is, we won’t know until heaven. This guy might be completely on base and it might work out as transubstantiation… or it could be what I believe… consubstantiation. We won’t know until Jesus tells us and to say we got God figured out and are completely right in our Theology is just a pompous stance and a lie.

I guess where I come down with this guy is that he seemed to want to be right. I just want to be with Jesus. What are we pursuing? Are we pursuing a complete and thorough knowledge of exactly who God is and how He acts? Are we pursuing a perfect theology? I don’t think so. I don’t think God leaves room for us to do that. Instead we should just aim to hang out with Him and maybe He’ll shed some light on His workings, but if He doesn’t we can just chill with Him and wait until we are in heaven to know Him more.

We should celebrate our differences and take joy in them. If we appreciate one another then we do not separate ourselves. We can love one another fully. I think this is especially important for Catholics and Protestants (yes Protestants need to chill out a bit and take a humble stance of respect… we get things wrong too… I mean probably)

I don’t know. These are just my thoughts on the subject. If anything comes to your mind on this, please comment. If not I hope to write again soon as I have been a jerk and not writing at all! Talk to you all later.

-Joshua

Vegetarian Week is now OVER!

2010-03-20T23:52:00.001-07:00

To those who read my blog,

For the past week not one dead animal has entered my body! I have been dead animal free! I did this because there are a few vegetarians at my school and I don’t really understand why they do it.

So I did it and I made it out alive. What did I discover?

1) Not eating meat wasn’t the tasteless bland-fest I thought it was going to be. The vege-burgers tasted pretty bad, but there are a few really good vegetarian dishes. My favorite was the Quesedia with extra cheese (yes I know some people would not consider it vegetarian with the cheese, but my definition of a vegetarian is one who does not eat any sort of meat… cheese is an animal by-product and not eating that would make me a vegan). Anyways, the point is, vegetarian meals are good!

2) Unless you do this right, you will be low on energy. I did not do this as right as I should have but my potions were limited due to an unsympathetic cafeteria. I found that I was low on energy and also quite hungry a lot of time.

3) I missed meat, but not enough for me to be enthusiastic about eating a lot more red meat. In fact, I think I am going to cut down on the red meat during the summer (it will save on food cost a lot).

Yeah… so going vegetarian for a while was not so bad. I’d suggest it to anyone wanting to increase their point of view a little.

Sincerely,

Joshua

Tomorrow I am going to eat a VERY meaty pizza or possibly a steak ;)

Swing Dancing For God!

2010-03-08T00:12:00.001-08:00

To those who read my blog,

Today was AWESOME SAUCE! I got to see God moving in ways that were just spectacular. After a weekend where things seemed to go wrong in so many places, we at Ambrose University College received such a blessed evening.

I should go into a bit of a background for those who don’t know.

Every year, my school does something called Legacy Youth Conference. It is a time when youth from all over the country come and we as students have a chance to minister to these students in awesome ways! There are a bunch of student teams and they are all led by student leaders. I was on the prayer team for the second year in a row.

Well, I was not really able to get into the worship at all because I had grudges that I had to deal with. Also, there was a damper on the whole weekend with something specific that I know nothing about, but it was there and it was causing some frustration.

So finally, I had to own up to my own sin and tell the people I was holding stuff against that I was holding stuff against them and that I forgave them and also ask for their forgiveness. It went rather well. I don’t know if the bigger problem ever got fixed or dealt with because I was not really aware of it at all. I have no idea what it was about, but I am assuming it was because worship that night was AMAZING!

Yeah, so God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good! The stuff that led up to worship was great. The prayer room where we all go our Bibles out and praised God through His word, when I got the chance to pray for one of the youth from Edmonton, and then the praying whilst leaning against the gym wall. To say the least, it was an amazing night and it could only end in one way: the worship experience.

Here’s where the swing dancing comes in. So I “learned” a new swing style called Balboa. I put “learned” in quotes because I sucked at that dance. I only got the basic down (and even that was poorly executed). For some reason though, I remembered at least that. Tonight, after getting off my knees and throwing my shoes to the ground because I felt the Spirit tell me it was holy ground, I danced almost until my feet bled. This balboa basic move was done to the fast music of the worship band and I could not stop dancing! My feet, as we speak, are in shreds and I do not know how I am to run on the treadmill tomorrow! Here this description of balboa:

“Imagine a dance floor so crowded that it is illegal to separate from your partner! This dance originated in Southern California in the 1930s when swing music was at its peak.” (taken from http://www.toetappinswing.com)

The first thing to point out here is that balboa was happening at the peak of swing music. This is when everyone got together for dancing and there was not a lot of room for dancing. Everyone had to be careful of the other dancers. In essence, people had to act in unity with one another in order for the proper result to come. As Christians, we have to act in unity with one another if we hope to be the blessing God wants us to be. That does not mean that we have to join one denomination and all go to the same Church (or type of Church) but it does mean we have to be loving to all our brothers and sisters no matter what denomination they come from. I saw that unity tonight. It was beautiful seeing people come together for worship. Unity is an awesome thing!

The second thing to notice is that Balboa is a very intimate dance. The dancers are close together. In fact, when it was being taught to me, I was told that I actually have to hug the person I am dancing with. Tonight, I felt like I was that close to God. I felt like I was dancing with the Spirit. My main prayer for the people around me was that their spirit would be dancing with God’s Spirit… and I think that dancing did take place!

I know I butchered balboa tonight and it was probably only a bit similar to the actual dance but I am glad that my swing lessons could be beneficial to my worship experience. I hope that I can bring glory to God through dancing as I enjoy it and the people there a lot!

Please have a blessed week, oh readers of the blog, and I hope to update you again soon!

- Joshua

The World is Yearning. Can You Hear it?

2010-02-24T17:51:00.001-08:00

To those who read my blog,

I want to share with you one of my favorite bands. This band is notorious for being party animals and doing crazy things. In one of their music videos, you can see them streaking through a city. These guys are out of control! They are the band Blink-182, and I love them!

Some might tell me that I am listening to bad music and that God would not approve but I have come to realize a few things in my own walk with God. The Father is one who encourages our creativity. Some of the best psalms, you would think (if you just heard them out of the blue) that it was something that God would be completely against. For example, what about Psalm 22 which begins with “my god, my God, why have you forsaken me?” which seems to me like something God would never do, so why even accuse Him of it? But it made it into the Bible!

Now I am not saying that the lessons of Blink-182 should be preached from the pulpit, but one thing that might be good to preach is how we should be honest and truthful and not hide behind a falsehood. Blink-182 is a very truthful band and the author of Psalm 22 was willing to be completely honest with God instead of just sugar-coating his prayer and just saying ‘o God… you are so great’. Sometimes our prayers need to be raw and gritty and full of something that is not too pleasing to our Maker’s ears. Or should I say seems to be not too pleasing to our Maker’s ears? I think God appreciates our honesty more than anything else. These people are being real and true and because they are being real and true, sometimes they say stuff that I really take to heart… for example, check out these lyrics from their song Not Now:

“Come here, please hold my hand, Lord, now

Help me, I’m scared please show me how

To fight this, God has a master plan,

and I guess, I am in His demand

Please save me, this time I cannot run

And I’ll see, you when this is done

And now I’ve come to realize

That you are, the one who’s left behind”

The song goes on from there, but did you notice the lyrics? This band, the same band who streaks and parties hardy, they just called out to God for Him to be a part of their life and admitted that He cares for them enough to include them in His master plan!

There’s this thought among Christians, and I agree with this thought, that there is a God shaped hole in all our hearts. We yearn for God. We want God in our lives oh so badly! Every once in a while, that craving is seen… but only if we’re willing to be honest with ourselves and look deeper. This is what Blink-182 has done with this song of theirs.

I’d love to sit down with Blink-182 and ask them just what they were thinking when they wrote this song. How were they feeling? What was their message?

This is why I don’t think as Christians, we should shy away from the things the world does to express themselves. We are not called to put our head-phones on and only listen to *Insert Christian Band Name Here* (especially seeing as a lot of Christian bands are really bad).

I once heard a good friend of mine tell me she stopped listening to one band because even though they said they were a Christian band, they had become very secular. Well what is secular about them? Are they denying Jesus flat out? Or are they just not mentioning Him in their songs? And even if they are denying Him flat out, shouldn’t we listen to them because at least they are being honest with us?

Besides all that, a lot of Christian bands that I hear seem to be afraid to talk about issues they are having. Five Iron Frenzy (my favorite band and also a Christian one) is willing to speak out against racism and other prejudices, but I don’t see that a lot in other bands. They seem to only be concerned with superficial stuff, and I do not believe for a second that God is after the superficial.

He wants honesty. He wants truth. He wants all of you… even the doubts! He wants us to pray things like, “my God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (psalm 22) and then bring us to a place where we will pray, “come here, please hold my hand, Lord now help me, I’m scared please show me how to fight this” (Blink-182), and maybe when we’re done praying that, we can pray, “Thank-you Lord, for being there for me” (me).

I hope this is helpful to you, oh reader of my blog, for it has been to me!

-Joshua

Not One Kiss before Marriage

2010-02-24T16:35:00.001-08:00

To those who read my blog,

I continually find myself in awkward situations because a) I am an awkward guy, and b) some of the things I hold myself to go really against the norm. And I’m not just talking about the norm of society, because as a Christian, sometimes I am called to go against the norm of society. For example, I hold myself to the old practice of ‘no sex before marriage’ and it is here where I want to dwell for a moment because the reality is that I have given up and have failed at keeping that rule, but found a way to protect myself from breaking that rule again.

When I was 17, I committed this one act and I was distraught about it. I went to my friend Steve and he and I prayed a lot about it. Coming out of that time of prayer, I had more of an understanding of why I did what I did. It was a progression for me. When I started hugging someone, I only thought about hugging, but when I started kissing someone, I thought about how I could take it to the next step. Once I got to that next step, I would think about how I can take it to the next step. For me, kissing just caused me to go into areas I did not want to go into.

At this point I want to really emphasize something: for me, kissing caused me to go into areas I did not want to go into. I do not think less of people when they kiss, and in fact on a small level, I envy them. I would like nothing more than to share a kiss with someone, but it’s not wise for me to do so. I am very aware of my sexuality and how much I enjoy it, so no kissing became a safeguard for me against the situations that would encourage me to go further.

Well, I thought about this for a little while and lived it out as well, and I realized something; I was hugging a lot of my female friends. I really love hugs and I was willing to hug each and every one of my female friends. This thought disturbed me because I was concerned with what I would be able to give to my future girlfriend. I can’t kiss her, so that leaves snuggling, hand holding, and hugs. But if I am hugging every other girl around me as well, then there goes another thing that is special between the two of us. So I decided that there would be no hugs between female friends.

Now a story of awkwardness! Because, really, if you’re following my blogs for any length of time, you will know me to be an awkward guy. Also, most people who look at my blogs already know me and know that I am an awkward guy.

So last night at swing dancing, my amazing swing teacher goes in for a hug and I kind of shift my body to the side to do a side thing. She seemed a little put off by this and I told her I don’t really do hugs, but I do high fives (and I proceeded to give her a high five). That’s right! Joshua T. Aitkenhead will dance the night away with you, but when it comes to a good-bye hug, he will get all weird and detached. I know there’s a site called f my life and I also know of my life is average and (I kid you not) my life is twilight, but do they have a my life is awkward and if so, do they already know of me?

Well, I am currently reading Sex God by Rob Bell and last night I finished a chapter called Angels and Animals. The chapter was basically about how a lot of people go to two extremes. They either go in one direction and give in to their sexual appetites all the time and thereby act like animals, or they go in the opposite direction and act like angles (who were not made for sex) and abstain from anything completely. It was there that I felt quite challenged.

You see, I know how I act when I start kissing, I know where my mind goes and it is not good, so I stay away from it… but then a question came into my mind of “am I just trying to be the angel”? I don’t think so, because I don’t view sex as a bad thing. I view it as a thing that should be saved for marriage, but not as a bad thing. Of course I am learning to live in this tension of what is good for me and what is not. And it is tension. Every time some new female friend offers me a hug, I have to question if this is really right or if I am just overreacting. I think I am right in doing this, but it is hard a lot of times. Oh well, such is life.

Yeah… so that is my awkward talk about sex and kissing and blah blah blah. I hope it gives you insight to some of the stuff I am wrestling with. I have no real answers for anyone who might be struggling with this themselves, but maybe my story can be an inspiration to some of you…

- Joshua

Frustrated

2010-02-13T09:03:00.001-08:00

To those who read my blog,

I am frustrated these days. I really can’t get into specifics, but I am caught between a rock and a hard place. The biggest thing that’s getting me down is all this romance stuffs. I despise Valentine’s day and because of the junk in my life right now, it’s even worse this year.

When I got to swing dancing last night, I found myself enjoying it a lot more as there was no ‘Valentine’s Day Theme’ even though you’d think there would be with a dance night. I was able to dance the night away without a care in the world. Not only that, but the people I danced with, well there were no expectations on either of us except just to dance (in fact, I danced a couple of times with my swing instructor and she has an awesome boyfriend… so definitely the only expectation is to dance).

When I got back to res, my problems just came crashing back down on me. I am far too weak to handle any of this. I really need God right now.

I just wish things were not so complicated. I wish that life was a lot easier than it is. I find myself having such a hard time just dealing with life and it’s annoyances. The worst part about it is that these annoyances are causing me to be a complete jerk to some of the people I care a lot about. I am of course to blame for my own behavior, but it’d be easier if I didn’t have to be bogged down by all this crap within me. I don’t know.

That’s my morning rant and I am sorry for bogging anyone down. I hope your life is going well these days, oh reader of my blog, because maybe I can take a bit of joy in the fact that you are happy.

- Joshua

My Future Goals

2010-02-10T22:36:00.001-08:00

To those who read my blog,

There has been some confusion in friends who I have not seen for a while about what exactly I will be doing with my life. As there is confusion with them, and as I don’t really talk about this with everyone, I thought it best to address this in how I see it and how it has come to this point. I hope this gives light to what God has been showing me over the past few years.

First off, I got my call to ministry when I was 16 at a youth conference. I went down for an alter call and God spoke to me in that time. I went up the stairs, saw my youth pastor and said to him, “Bobby, I’m supposed to be a pastor”.

He responded, “I know”.

When I came to Alberta and was driving to Calgary with my old mentor, Russ, one thing stuck out in my mind: Vietnamese Gangs. Russ had mentioned them once on the drive over for some reason and it stuck.

I got to Calgary a few years later not knowing exactly what kind of pastor God wanted me to be. I started attending a big white church and found that I did not like it. I had met a girl in Calgary and started attending her Church, which was a Vietnamese Church. I started developing a love for Asian people and culture. I also started to get really passionate about gangs. I remember one time pacing alone in my apartment praying passionately for Asian gangs.

I was realizing more and more that I would have to work bi-vocationally and I was trying to think of a way to do that. Last year it hit me: teaching. Teaching high school would give me summers off AND access to people I could minister to and show love to. I know, I know, I probably should not have watched Freedom Writers but I believe being an English teacher in a poorer neighborhood would give me good access to people to love (students) and time to do ministry. Last year I thought it would be good to do a double major in English and in ministry so that I have something to go into teacher’s college with.

This year I actually took the step of taking an English course to test the waters. It’s going alright and I hope to get my first paper back soon so I can know a bit more if this is something I can do.

Last night was ministry chapel and the district superintendents spoke about being bi-vocational. Not only that but I talked to two of them today and they affirmed that the thing God has been revealing to me was at the very least a good idea. In fact, they were interested in what it was. That gave me hope.

So that’s it. I still have a passion for ministry and I still am pursuing my calling to be a pastor, but the packaging is different. I am not too sure how a suburban white boy is going to speak to Asian gangs, but we shall see. Keep me in your prayers!

- Joshua

An Unexpected Turn of Events

2010-02-06T02:10:00.001-08:00

By: Joshua T. Aitkenhead

James 1:19-27.

¹⁹My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, ²⁰for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. ²¹Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.

²²Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. ²³Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror ²⁴and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. ²⁵But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does.

²⁶If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless. ²⁷Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

Praise be to God for the reading of His holy word and may His name be praised, and all God’s people said, AMEN! Now may the words of my mouth and the meditations of all our hearts be fixed on You, our Father. You alone can teach us how to walk in Your ways. Amen.

We are now past the introduction to James and are heading into the points of morality. Here is where we will see how we should act as Christians in this society.

Sometimes, Life just throws you a curveball, and you just have to accept it. Growing up, I loved writing. More than that, I loved imagining different things. I had a wild imagination and to some extent, I still do. So it was natural for me to want to become an author. My dad thought differently. In high school, I did drama, and I loved it. I wasn’t too bad either. When my dad saw me act, he thought he would like to see me become an actor. Both me being an author and me being an actor were things God did not want to see happen. God saw me, and He saw my imagination, and thought that could be used for writing sermons instead of books. He saw my abilities on the stage, and thought that it would be better for me to preach His word. What we have lined up, and what God wants from us are sometimes two different things.

We have now reached the start of the morality teachings in James. What he has to say in the following chapters may be a bit unexpected due to some of the things Paul has taught, but we must remember that the whole Bible works together and does not contradict itself anywhere. We will be asked to reconcile this issue at a few points in the coming future.

How do you act around your friends? Let’s say a friend does something to you that you do not like, how would you react? Do you get angry? I believe that it is ok to be angry every once in a while. It is an emotion that God gave us, and our emotions are there to tell us something about our environment. Anger comes about to let us know that we do not like our present circumstances. So it in itself is not a bad thing. Even Jesus gets angry as you can read in John chapter 2. He drives out people from the temple for making the temple a place of evil. So why is it, that James tells us not to be angry? Shouldn’t we be allowed to express our anger? It is something given to us by God, so shouldn’t it be good in all situations? No, it should not. James here is not talking about righteous anger, like the anger Jesus had when He drove out the people from the temple, he is talking about an unrighteous anger. James says that people should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger. Now quick to listen and slow to speak is the key to this verse. He is basically saying that we need to know the situation before reacting to it. If we don’t know the situation, then what good will it do when we are caught up in anger? We become very reactionary when anger hits, that is to say, we react to everything. We don’t think straight. James just wants us to look before we leap. We don’t want to misuse any gift God’s given us. How many times in anger have you hurt someone’s feelings? How many times have you yelled at someone in anger, when it wasn’t really something they could control? By now, everyone should know about the Christian Bale rant. On the set of Terminator Salvation, Christian Bale let loose all his anger on a poor stagehand. Bale says some really harsh things to this poor man, that he can never take back. I know there are plenty of times from my childhood where out of anger, I yelled some things at my parents that I could not take back. Being angry, though, is a hard thing to keep track of. It happens in the moment and then it’s done. It’s not something that we really predict, so how do we remedy this? Well James gives this piece of advice. He says that we need to humbly accept the Word implanted in us. First off, James mentions the word ‘humbly’, as in, we need to be humble. This implies that our anger is coming out of a place of pride. Is our desire to be right so overwhelming that it overshadows what God wants for us? The next part of this deals with the word implanted in us. Now, the word being used here, plant, can imply two things: The first is that it implies that we have already received the word, it is already there. The second is that the word is added to us. In this verse, both are true. The word of God is something we receive when we become Christians, but it is also something we receive during our walk with God.

I told you all two weeks ago, that we need to go through trials so we can endure which will make us perfect. As Christians, we do not start out perfect, we will get there eventually when we get to heaven, but we do not start out that way. But there is a change in our behavior (or at least there should be) when we receive Christ as our savior. In short, We are saved, we are being saved, and in heaven we will be saved. Salvation is a continuous work in us by the Holy Spirit. It’s like this. God has given you each a seed when you accepted Christ. That seed changes you. As you grow closer and closer to Him, the seed grows more and more and as it grows, we become better and better. Eventually, when you meet up with Christ, that plant blooms into the perfect flower and you become a perfect being. James wants us to know this as we deal with our anger. Maybe it’s so that when we sin in our anger, we can at least have the comfort to know we are a work in progress. Maybe it’s to show that we need to back down from some battles and think things out fully before reacting, and remember how Christ would want us to act. Regardless, when James talks about anger, he wants us to be careful with it.

James then moves onto talk a little bit more about the word. He says that we need to become doers of the word, and not merely hearers. This means just what it says: we should read the word of God and actually listen to what it says. As an example, James gives a mirror and looking into it. The mirror shows us what we look like, what we need to improve, and what we are already doing that is good. That is what the word of God also does. But the thing about a mirror, is that the image only lasts a minute. As soon as you walk away from the mirror, you are free to forget what you look like. If you are too skinny, or too heavy when you step away from the mirror, then you can forget all about it. So this is what I want to tell you all right now, don’t have a mirror faith, instead have a picture faith. A picture lasts forever. You take it, and you can keep it as a record of how you looked when that picture was taken. Not only that, but you can also take more pictures as you get closer and closer to God, so you don’t always focus on the same thing. In the same way, we should always be looking into the word of God to understand what we look like.

This brings us to some dangerous territory. You see, Paul speaks out against the Law saying that we should rely on faith instead, and James seems to be saying that we need to concentrate on the Law. So who is right? Well, both are. Just doing good deeds won’t get us to heaven, but if we don’t practice our faith and change the problems in our life, then what good is our faith? You see, Paul did not call the Law useless, but he did say it was no longer needed as a way to salvation, and he’s right, it is no longer needed for salvation. We get our salvation through God and God alone. But Paul also says that the Law serves now as a tutor for us. The fact is, all of Christ’s teaching came from the Law of Moses. It was Christ who said that not a single iota would be removed from the Law. So then, how do we reconcile this? Well, I came across a cool quote that I would like to share, “Jesus did not come to overturn the Law of Moses; rather He pierced to the heart of its intention, and in so doing elevated the law”. What this means, is that Christ took the law, and made it more important by telling everyone what the Law meant when it said anything about any given topic.

For example, in Matthew 5:21 and onward it says: ²¹"You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, 'Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.' ²²But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brotherwill be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to his brother, 'Raca,' is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, 'You fool!' will be in danger of the fire of hell.

This is where James probably got his lesson on anger. He probably was listening closely to what Christ had to say about it. Christ talks here about the true intent of the Law, and He says that those angry with their brother is guilty of murder. That is why we need to get this anger out of us and reconcile the issue with our brother. This is why James says to be quick to listen and slow to speak. He does not want us to be guilty of murder! Christ took the law about murder, and brought out what it really meant and when the real meaning came out, the law for murdering seemed like a slap on the wrist. Forget about murder, if you even are a little bit angry with your brother you’ve committed murder!

Well, the last part of this verse talks about two things: a worthless religion and a pure religion. Here James calls a worthless religion something that belongs to someone who doesn’t bridle their tongue. A bridle is the thing in a horse’s mouth that directs it where to go. Basically, James is asking us to make sure we direct where our words are going carefully. We cannot just speak about anything and everything, we need to consider the things we say, kind of like thinking before we act, you know, being quick to listen and slow to speak! Later on in James, there will be a whole section about the tongue that I will preach on, but for now, know this: James calls our religion useless if we do not watch what we say. So what is the opposite of our useless religion? A pure one! This is what James says about a pure religion. It is to help those in need. Orphans and widows normally come up when someone talks about the needy. In those days, widows did not get a lot of money, and orphans had no one to take care of them. Nowadays, orphans are still poor, but widows seem to do alright due to life insurance, but it wasn’t always like that. James here is saying that our religion, in order for it to be any good, needs to be a religion of taking care of people. The last couple of sermons I preached, I mentioned community, but those versus did not come right out and announce how community was important like this verse did. I do a ministry on Friday nights at a Para-church organization called, “The Jesus Loves You Society”. The ministry looks after single moms and their families. I do the youth group stuff. Let me tell you, this is a rough ministry. For those of you who are squeamish, please, cover your ears. These kids have it tough. One kid told me about his dad who threatened to slit his wife’s throat while the son was in the room. Can you imagine that? I have seen my dad get upset with me, or my mom, or one of my sisters, but never did he say anything like that. These kids have had it tough. Now the interesting thing is, that working in this ministry helped a lot when I was not in a Church. Caring for these people helped me realize more about God. We sometimes say Christianity is not a religion, it’s a relationship, but I never knew how it could be a relationship, until I began to be a part of this ministry. You see, God has a special heart for the poor. They get it. They know that everything they get is a blessing. The reason we need to take care of the widow’s and the orphans? It’s because we need to also realize everything we get is a blessing from God. It’s also so we can be that blessing to other people.

So, now I’m going to try and sum this all up. God wants us to think rationally before getting angry, because He doesn’t want us to go against His word which He planted in us. This word is both a gift that he’s given at salvation, and is a gift He gives continuously through our walk, and a gift we get when we become perfect, like a plant given to us as a seed, that grows while we walk with Christ, and the flowers and blooms when we enter heaven. We need to be listening to the word of God that was planted in us. We can’t just have mirror faith that disappears once we leave the room. We need camera faith that preserves our picture, and we can go back to it at any time to see how we can improve ourselves. The law that we look at works with what Christ has taught us. Not only that, but the law is not rendered useless now that we’ve got faith, it is actually made more important. Chris gets at the heart of what the Law means and how we should follow it.

The last thing was how we need to keep a bridle on our tongue. We need to make sure we watch what we say and who we say it to. We need to look after the orphans and the widows and make sure they are ok. That is what it means to be a real Christian.

So what does all this mean when it is strung together? Well, what I think James is asking us here, is to not be hypocrites. Think about it, we talk about loving one another, but when we get angry, our true nature comes out. If we are bad mouthing every person left right and center, what right do we have to speak about the peace of Christ? None.

Think about the plant illustration I gave. If that plant remains just a seed, if that seed does not grow at all, then what right do we have to expect change in other people? None.

If we aren’t looking to the Bible to change what’s wrong with us, if we are not willing to take a picture of us, examine it, and work out our issues, then what right do we have to tell people to read their Bibles? None.

If we are don’t watch what we say, and instead throw around garbage language, what right do we have to pray for someone using the filthy mouths we cursed with two seconds ago? None.

If we are not taking care of widows and orphans, or anyone else who is down and out, if we are not willing to bless others and to show others love that God showed us, what right do we have to tell other people that God will look after them and bless them and show them love? None.

Now I know this is hard to hear sometimes. I also know this is something that I dealt with a lot when I was a new Christian. Hypocrisy kills. We cannot just stand idly by and watch our world go to hell, but the only way we will reach our generation is if we be the miracle to them. I know that’s a cheesy line from a move, but it is the truth, we need to be the miracle! All of this sermon points to one simple truth: we still need to follow the Law because the Law shows us how to act as human beings. Friends, the Law can be summed up like this: To love the Lord your God, with all your heart, and all your strength and all your mind, and to love your neighbor as you would yourself! That means we have to can our anger and save it for when it really matters. That means we have to nurture that plant inside us that will bring us to perfection. That means we have to do what the Word commands of us, no matter how hard it might be. It means we have to tame our tongue and look after those less fortunate than us!

Friends, I do not say these things to bring you down, but to encourage you, because I do see these things happening. So far, I have not seen any of you get that angry over anything. When I did the alter call, I called on the worship band last minute and I called on the people who prayed last minute and no one got angry at me. I see people growing and changing as that word planted takes root. I see people taming their tongue, and also looking after the less fortunate (actually I have a sun burn to prove we look after the less fortunate)! This sermon is to encourage you all to continue pursing God with all of your might, and to love each and every person you come across, not as an obligation, but as something you want as well!

Learning Not To Cut Ourselves

2010-01-29T01:12:00.001-08:00

To those who read my blog,

This post is a long time coming.

So, over the holidays, a friend of mine had changed her status to something along the lines of “First day at Mars Hill Church, and they stick me in the nursery”. When I read this, I thought, 'Mars Hill? That’s where Rob Bell preaches! I love Rob Bell! He’s my favorite preacher! With that thought process in place, I quickly commented on her status in an excited fashion (in all caps so she would know how excited I was) exclaiming that I love Rob Bell and why had she not told me she was going to his Church.

Here is where I encounter a problem. A friend of hers quickly responded to what I said telling me that it was a different Mars Hill and that Rob Bell is a heretic who did not know his Bible.

Let that sink for a moment.

I then went to the defense of Rob Bell as he cannot defend himself from accusations that are said behind his back and are done without his knowing. As I have been listening to Rob Bell sermons for a while now, I know at least that he knows his Bible better than most and so far I have not seen any problems with his theology going against dogma (dogma being the things that are absolutely true about Christianity without question. A great example of Dogma is the apostle’s and the Nicene creeds). “Sir, I am sorry, but you are mistaken. Rob Bell is not a heretic and he knows the Bible better than most”. He responded with a quote from Rob Bell (and I am sorry, but I cannot for the life of me remember what the quote was) that sounded quite bad on Bell’s part. He then claimed that Rob Bell’s heresies were beyond counting.

I left it that. I did not want to start a fight with someone that I didn’t know on a subject I felt passionate about. Also, I wasn’t informed enough. I needed to do some thinking.

I mentioned to my friend that I was going to write a blog about this stuff and she told me to listen to the sermon of this one guy before I did. I didn’t think it would make a difference, but I did. I chose to listen to this guys sermon on the emerging church as I felt it would be the most relevant to what I was thinking and feeling.

I had a few issues with this guy, but he seemed to have his head on straight on a few issues and the ministry he’s involved with is growing, so I don’t want to bash him (which is why I’m also not mentioning his name) but he mentioned Rob Bell. And he talked about Rob Bell. And He said that Rob Bell denied the virgin birth in Rob Bell’s book, Velvet Elvis. I thought to myself, This can’t be, Rob Bell is on the level. He would never deny the virgin birth which is considered to be dogma by the church!

Well, I had two choices. I could take this other guys word for it (let’s call this other guy Luke). I could take Luke’s word for what Rob said, or I could read Velvet Elvis. I read the book. Sorry, Luke, but I needed to see this for myself. I only saw one reference to the virgin birth of Christ in Velvet Elvis and I am going to quote it word for word in order to explain what I think Rob means by what he says because I am of the same thought process in this. Here is the quote:

“What if tomorrow someone digs up definitive proof that Jesus had a real, earthly, biological father named Larry, and archeologists find Larry’s tomb and do DNA samples and prove beyond a shadow of doubt that the virgin birth was really just a bit of mythologizing the Gospel writers through in to appeal to the followers of the Mithra and Dionysian religious cults that were hugely popular at the time of Jesus, whose gods have virgin births? But what if as you study the origin of the word virgin, you discover that the word virgin in the Gospel of Matthew actually comes from the book of Isaiah, and then you find out that in the Hebrew language at the time, the word virgin could mean several things. and what if you discover that in the first century being ‘born of a virgin’ also referred to a child whose mother became pregnant the first time she had intercourse?” (Bell 26)

That is the only time Rob Bell mentions the virgin birth in the entire book. I know because one of the reasons I put off writing this blog for so long was because I wanted to finish the book first. Where in that paragraph did Rob Bell say ‘I don’t believe in the virgin birth’? No where. He merely poses a question. And if you read it in the context of what he’s saying, you understand why he’s asking the question. He wants people to not have their faith completely torn down if one thing from their faith experience is proven different from what they thought it was. The virgin birth is a great example because when Isaiah wrote the word virgin he probably did mean a woman who got pregnant the first time she had sex. Rob Bell was giving us Christians a way to still believe if something turns out different than we expected.

All of this to say that Luke, the guy who preached on the emerging church, was misquoting Rob Bell. How can I trust a man who misquotes someone in order to bring him down. I think a more relevant question to ask is why was Luke trying to take down Rob Bell in the first place? Isn’t Rob Bell a Christian? Isn’t Luke a Christian? Don’t they both have Jesus as their personal savior? Isn’t that the place they should start from? Actually, I once heard a sermon by Rob Bell on that very subject. He basically said that Christians should not fight over the small stuff.

Here is where I finally get to the point of this blog. Christians should not fight over the small stuff. Doctrine can be the small stuff. For those who don’t know, doctrine is what can be disputed about. The 7 day creation account is doctrine. Women being pastors is doctrine. This is stuff we need to hold loosely and when we come across someone who does not believe the same as we do, we need to sometimes just agree to disagree and go back to what’s really important: Jesus.

What happens if we continue attacking our brothers and sisters? Did anyone find it weird that I named this blog, Learning Not To Cut Ourselves ? Who are we, as Christians? We are members of the Church. What is the Church? It is the body of Christ. So what are we doing when we attack people unjustly who are in the Body of Christ? We are stabbing ourselves in the arm!

I am not saying that we should not go after things that are truly heretical, but we need to think critically about them before we go after them. We can’t just misquote people and attack them. This Luke guy, he is a big shot. He’s the teaching pastor at a huge multi-site Church in the states. He has loads of people in his congregation and he just blatantly lied to them about what a brother in Christ said.

These guys who go after Rob Bell (like the guy in my friends facebook status) are not thinking critically about these issues and are instead attacking people unjustly. They pull apart quotes from books and from interviews and they give a new meaning to what these other guys say and it is wrong!

I listened to a broadcast of what was called ‘Pirate Christian Radio’ and the name suited them. When I think of pirates the first thing that comes to mind (after Luffy and the Straw Hat Pirates) is an image of people who attack other things without mercy or bias. They are people who attack the other as long as it is different from them, and that is what these people did. They did not listen to what Rob Bell was saying in his sermon, but picked apart every sentence they did not understand at first. It could have made sense and even fit into what they thought about God, but they never gave it the chance.

Today (or perhaps yesterday as it is past midnight) was community day at my school and the ministry department had a guy come in and talk to us about a bunch of things. One thing he touched on was a group of two camps. ‘The New Reformers’ (who are starched Calvinists) and ‘The Post-Modern Thinkers’ and he said that both camps could learn a lot from one another instead of trying to tear each other apart.

I agree.

We need to learn from one another. We need to show love to one another and we need to stop stabbing ourselves in the arm. We are all in this body together, after all!

-Joshua

Trinitarian Baptism FTW??

2010-01-27T01:50:00.001-08:00

To those who read my blog,

So, I am taking this Theology of Worship course at school and the big emphasis in this course is participating in worship with the focus on the Trinity rather than one aspect of God. I don’t get it. Well, it’s not that I don’t get it, but that it’s something I’m wrestling with.

James B. Torrance has a book that I’m reading for this course called,Worship, Community, and the Triune God of Grace where in it he says:

“Firstly, I have been a child of God from all eternity. Secondly, I became a child of God when Christ the Son lived, died and rose for me long ago. Thirdly, I became a child of God when the Holy Spirit... sealed in my faith and experience what had been planned from all eternity in the heart of the Father and what was completed once and for all in Jesus Christ” (Torrance 76).

Now Torrance is talking about baptism at this point in time. Here’s what I think: I believe in freewill over predestination. I do not believe God sits “up there” on a cloud and looks to heaven and makes a list saying, “yeah, he goes up, but him, he goes down”. I know there’s more to that thought process than all that, but that’s what I get out of it and I really don’t like it. I have an understanding of predestination because the Bible does speak of it but I don’t subscribe to it as God making the decision for us. It’s more that He knew before all things that I would choose. So when I first read this quote I thought to myself, “That’s all well and good, but how do you argue this whole Trinitarian thing from the whole freewill stance?” Then I realized that I don’t have to. Torrance (whether he meant it or not) argued it for me.

Maybe I’m just an optimist, but I look at this quote and think of God working in a stance of freewill. If God knows all things, then He would know that I would choose Him from when time began (and perhaps even from before that). He might have already cherished me as a child at that point.

If I was made a child of God when Christ lived, died and rose then perhaps my view on the cross is actually skewed. I look at the cross as something that was done once 2000 years ago. Now, doesn’t the Father exist outside of time? Then would He not look at the cross as not a moment in time, or as an eternal standing that is a significant today as it was yesterday and as it would be tomorrow? When I chose Christ, He took my hand and led me to the Father and it was the cross which He needed to get by in order to allow me to see the Father. He needed to bridge the gap with the cross. The cross that does not exist 2000 years ago, but here and now and also there and then, and even still there and soon. It did exist, it does exist, it will exist tomorrow. I really don’t think that means Christ is experiencing the cross all the time but more so that the Father sees the Cross when He sees those who chose Him and it is in the Cross that we are made children, even back then.

What really made it come together for me was when Torrance says faith and experience. He does not separate the two. He goes onto say that the Father planned this from eternity, but maybe the Father just knew about it from eternity. I don’t know. That experience thing really sticks with me. I don’t know if I would have gone to Christ if my experiences were different. If I didn’t have the people praying for me that I had, if I didn’t get so wrecked so many times in my youth, if I wasn’t so utterly broken that weekend, then perhaps I wouldn’t be musing on the Trinity at 2:40am and instead be in a bed in Brampton Ontario wondering if there was more to life than my atheist views allowed me to see. I don’t know.

So what does this have to do with baptism? Well a lot, actually. We are called to baptize in the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Spirit. We are to baptize in the Trinity. What does baptizing in the Trinity mean if not recognizing how the Trinity has been active in our lives? It means to recognize that the Father knew you and what you would do from the get go, that the Son’s bridge was set up and is in place in eternity for all to cross if they wish, and that the Spirit takes our faith and our experience and draws us to that bridge so that we can meet with our adopted dad who has been waiting such a long time to embrace us and as I write this I am so filled with emotion right now. I am realizing this love, maybe even for the first time (truly for the first time) or perhaps I’m just re-falling for the same God that I fell for almost 7 years ago. This Father who has taken me out of such crap and blessed me with true love over and over again.

I am not saying that I understand the Trinity or that this is what Torrance meant when he wrote these words (in fact, he might be quite upset with the conclusions I’ve drawn up for myself) but I am saying that I love my dad, my ‘Father who arte in heaven’, my papa, and I’m glad I have Him to run too.

Back to work. Sorry for rattling on.

- Joshua

Sunday Morn

2010-01-23T14:16:00.001-08:00

Here’s another poem I wrote a while back (I don’t remember when). I was really sad when I wrote it. I somewhat like it.

Talk to him on Sunday Morn,

If sadness is what you seek.

His body is fine, but his spirit is broken

Rejection is what lies beneath.

Talk to him on Sunday Morn,

If solitude is your taste

For he feels lonesome; helpless

He feels too far from the light of grace.

Talk to him on Sunday Morn,

If confusion is what you want.

He cannot tie one string to another.

The end is what he’s lost

Talk to him on Sunday Morn,

He needs your truth right now.

A mask showing smiling faces,

Under his is a frown.

Christmas: A Word With Specific Meaning.

2009-12-28T16:04:00.000-08:00

To those who read my blog,

So, I have a few ideas of what I want to write about in the next week or so, but the one main thing I want to talk about requires me to finish a book before actually talking about it (so that I can be sure I am not misquoting someone).

The thing I want to talk about right now is the importance of the meaning of words, specifically the word 'Christmas'.

Last year, I read a note posted on facebook from one of my friends. Here is the note:
* 'Twas the month before Christmas*

*When all through our land,*

*Not a Christian was praying*

*Nor taking a stand.*

*See the PC Police had taken away,*

*The reason for Christmas - no one could say.*

*The children were told by their schools not to sing,*

*About Shepherds and Wise Men and Angels and things.*

*It might hurt people's feelings, the teachers would say*

* December 25th is just a ' Holiday '.*

*Yet the shoppers were ready with cash, checks and credit*

*Pushing folks down to the floor just to get it!*

*CDs from Madonna, an X BOX, an I-pod*

*Something was changing, something quite odd! *

*Retailers promoted Ramadan and Kwanzaa*

*In hopes to sell books by Franken & Fonda.*

*As Targets were hanging their trees upside down*

* At Lowe's the word Christmas - was no where to be found.*

*At K-Mart and Staples and Penny's and Sears*

*You won't hear the word Christmas; it won't touch your ears.*

*Inclusive, sensitive, Di-ver-si-ty*

*Are words that were used to intimidate me.*

*Now Daschle, Now Darden, Now Sharpton, Wolf Blitzen*

*On Boxer, on Rather, on Kerry, on Clinton !*

*At the top of the Senate, there arose such a clatter*

*To eliminate Jesus, in all public matter.*

*And we spoke not a word, as they took away our faith*

* Forbidden to speak of salvation and grace*

*The true Gift of Christmas was exchanged and discarded*

*The reason for the season, stopped before it started.*

*So as you celebrate 'Winter Break' under your 'Dream Tree'*

*Sipping your Starbucks, listen to me.*

*Choose your words carefully, choose what you say*

*Shout MERRY CHRISTMAS ,

not Happy Holiday !*

*I do not in anyway wish to force people into what to believe, I've reached a point where I'll settle with just equal rights! I want the right to say *Merry Christmas* just like those who say *happy Ramadan* or *Happy Quanza! Happy Halloween! Happy Hannakuh! Celebrate the Festival of Lights!* and more. Let's admit it. This note isn't gonna turn the heads of millions, nor will saying *Merry Christmas* shock someone beyond recovery scarring them for the rest of their lives. So let's just stop with the news articals, the school/workplace rules, and whatever else may be out there. Afterall, how are we promoting diversity by banning a holiday or belief? Merry Christmas all!*

Now what is wrong with this note? I mean, what’s wrong with wanting to say ‘Merry Christmas’ instead of ‘Happy Holiday’? Nothing. But here is where I get a little worried. The third and fourth line in read, “Not a Christian was praying, nor taking a stand”? That’s kind of arrogant, don’t you think? I mean, I’m praying. I pray every day! Also, what do we need to take a stand for? What is happening to us that we need to take a stand?

The note ends off with talking about equal treatment, and although I agree with equal treatment... shouldn’t we ask for that when it really matters? I mean, not being allowed to say ‘Merry Christmas’ is kind of lame (though in a few moments, I will argue that it’s not lame at all, and actually should be practiced more often) but shouldn’t equal rights be saved for when I am applying for a job and I don’t get one because I’m a Christian? I have no idea when that will ever come about and I doubt Canada will ever get to that point, but shouldn’t that be the point where I say, “Alright, I need to be treated like everyone else. Please don’t just not hire me because I am a Christian”. Why do we need to say these words to others around us?

Now here is my main problem with Christians wanting to say ‘Merry Christmas’. Even going to the extent to say that they need to say those words: in North America WE DON’T CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS! I mean, sure, we celebrate a holiday on the 25th of December, and some people call it Christmas, but North America on a whole does not celebrate the holiday known as Christmas.

Here is what Christmas is. It is the mass of Christ. A mass is a type of service held within the Church. So the Christ-mass is a service celebrating Christ, and more specifically, the birth of Christ.

I know, I know. Most of us Christians did in fact go to a Christmas service of some sort that celebrated the birth of Christ. That wasn’t the focal point though of the holidays. No the focus is gift giving. I use the word ‘gift’ loosely, because it’s not really ‘gift giving’. A gift is something you give without expecting any return. No, what we really did was do some fancy trading. Everyone made sure to give gifts to all their friends and in return, from all our friends we received gifts usually of equal value. In fact, sometimes we put a price cap on these gifts. “Ok, guys, we can only spend fifty dollars on one another. Nothing more, nothing less”. Why don’t both of us keep the fifty dollars and go get something we really want/need?

In our society, we spend a lot of energy trying to get the right gifts. Christmas is focussed then not around Christ’s birth, but fancy trading. Now I seem to remember that the Bible speaks out against materialism, and putting things before God. Well, when we take the focus off of Christ, and put it on gift-giving, then all of a sudden we are putting material objects before Christ.

To go further with this, what is the big event? Christmas dinner. We look forward to it. The fat bird, the amazing stuffing, the cranberry sauce, I love every moment of that food on my tongue. We eat until we are filled beyond our capacity and then we eat some more. Would you care to know what this is? I’s called gluttony! It is one of the biggest sins everyone (Christian and non-Christian alike) partake in here in North America.

So here it is. This is what Christmas has become. It is now a materialistic focussed holiday that concludes with gluttony. Is that really how Christ wants us to honour His birth? Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy all of those parts of Christmas (though the gift-giving is a bit I am not overly thrilled about) but I don’t want to call this Christmas. It’s not. It is not Christmas. Christmas is remembering that there was a time when we had to wait for the messiah, the Christ, to come down. Christmas is a time when we celebrate the fullness of God in the weakest of forms (a baby). Christmas is a time when we acknowledge that the messiah is coming back at some point. It is not a time to give into materialism and gluttony. So why do we fight so hard to say something that is incorrect to say?

Speaking of fighting, this brings up something ironic. Don’t you find it funny that one of the things Jesus did by coming into this world was bring peace, and yet we disturb the peace by raising our voices and trying to get people to say a silly little saying that has none of the original meaning anymore? Why would we go against what Christ wants by fighting for something that’s just not worth it?

I am sorry, but this is not the hill we as Christians should die on. There are way more important issues at hand.

-Joshua

I Am A Pastor

2009-12-18T11:11:00.000-08:00

To those who read my blog,

About a week or two ago, I was in my room, writing a sermon for Church. Correction, I was TRYING to write a sermon for Church. It was not going too well. I was stressed out all day and I was focussing on a few of the more embarrassing moments from the day. There was also exams, papers, and personal things on my mind. I couldn’t get past this that easily at all. Luckily, I had Josh Jacobs there. He came in and basically told me the hard truth that I needed to hear: beating down on yourself was not going to solve anything.

He then said something quite interesting. He told me that I wasn’t my mistakes but that I was a pastor. It never really occurred to me in the past, but my identity is wrapped up in this calling known as pastor. I am not training to be a pastor, I am not hoping to be a pastor one day. I am a pastor. Right here, right now, and even before this. No matter what happens in the future, no matter what job I take to pay the bills, I am a pastor.

This is not to say that I am not my own person and that I have no personality. It is to say that because of my life experiences and the calling that I chose to accept, I have been formed into this type of person called ‘pastor’ and there is no way for me to avoid it. I am a pastor. That is where my identity is anchored.

Now saying this, I am also saying that ‘pastor’ is not a professional choice. It is a lifestyle choice. It is the choice to go to the hospital at 1am to visit a dying man. It is the choice to go see a person in jail even if you detest what they did to deserve that. It is the choice to sacrifice every moment of your life to the glory of God (sometimes that does mean honouring your family and spending time with them. One cannot be a pastor and ditch those who are closest to him).

Now to define what a pastor is exactly would be a whole blog post on its own. If I were to skim it down, it would be something like a person whose deepest desire is to see the Church grow and helps lead it in that direction. There’s a lot more to it than that but I suppose as a simple explanation, it will do.

What does this mean for my life? Well, if I am bound to this identity and if it is bound to me, then it means I have to be careful about who I let into my life, and also disregard safety in that same matter. For example, I need to be quite careful about who it is that I pursue for marriage, because she must know about the struggles of a pastor and will also have to deal with the responsibilities of a pastors wife. In the same breath, I can’t be too picky about friendships. I have to live out love to everyone I can and speak love into many people’s lives. That means that I shouldn’t turn someone away from the start just because we don’t fully get along. All deserve love and I should be available for as many people as possible.
I don’t know if this blog post will help anyone, but at least I’ve articulated what I’ve been thinking about for the past couple of days.

Many blessings to you all.

Sincerely,
Joshua

Don't You Remember?

2009-11-30T10:43:00.000-08:00

1James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ,
To the twelve tribes scattered among the nations:
Greetings.
2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 6But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.
9The brother in humble circumstances ought to take pride in his high position. 10But the one who is rich should take pride in his low position, because he will pass away like a wild flower. 11For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich man will fade away even while he goes about his business.
Don’t You Remember?
By: Joshua T. Aitkenhead
Can you recall a time in your life when you were down and out. Nothing was going your way. You had God, family, and you had friends, but you did not have much else and all three of them seemed to get more and more distant as you became more and more aware of your own personal hell boiling into the very core of your being. Isn’t that a pleasant thought for the day? Before I go any further, I’m just letting you know that there will be a chance to respond after this sermon with an alter call. I will be up here and available for you to pray with along with some other people that I have already asked to help me with this. Ok, on with the sermon! I can tell you of a time from my life that happened just before I came to this Church.
I mentioned in my last sermon that I am not from around here. I am actually from Ontario, so I am a long ways away from my family. It’s tough being away from your family, I don’t know how many of you have done it. The thing is, your family changes and grows. I have two nieces, one of which I have not seen yet, and the other is starting to speak. I miss my sisters, I miss my brother in laws, and I miss my parents a lot. It is hard sometimes being so separated by people who have influenced your life so much. So, I am separated from my family.
I have another tale of woe for you. You see, I used to go to another Church here in Calgary. I’m not going to tell you the name of the church, but you’d probably be able to guess the name once I’ve been here for a bit longer. It is a Vietnamese Church in the North East, and I loved the people there a lot. What I didn’t love was the ministry I was involved with there. It got so bad for me, that I had to leave the Church. Now let me set the record straight, it is a good Church with dedicated Christ-followers, but it was not good for me to be there. My vision for the Church, and the church’s vision for itself did not line up. So I am separated from my family, and now I lost my Church family.
For Christmas’ I go to my mentor’s house. He has been like an older brother to me and his family helped me out a lot when I came to Alberta. This year, him and I fell apart. We were a bit at odds with one another, and while I have had the best Christmas’ of my life at his house, this year was different. I felt disconnected and an outsider. I felt like I did not belong. So now I’m separated from my family, I have no Church family, and I am at odds with a person who once was so close to me.
It does not end there, unfortunately. My roommate in first semester tells me it’s too hard for him to be living in the NE, but go to school in the SW, so he says he wants to move. Here’s the issue with that. The apartment we were in had become my home. I loved it and I did not want to leave it before I was done schooling, but I knew that I would not be able to afford the rent on my own, so I leave. I’m separated from my family, I have no Church family, and I am at odds with a person who once was so close to me and now I have left the one place I had known as home here in Calgary.
I was depressed and I felt there was nowhere for me to go. I felt like there was no family for me. No one was looking out for me and I had no one to look out for either. I had nothing but a broken heart and a skewed view of myself. I doubted my calling to be a pastor, I’ve doubted my salvation from God, and I doubted that life was worth living. I will talk more about this doubt later on.
Have you ever felt this way? Have you ever felt lost and without direction of any kind? I hope not but I have a feeling most of you have felt that way or are feeling that way right now. Well, brother’s and Sister’s, let’s see what God has to say about this hopelessness.
I’m going to talk about three things in this passage:
1. Why do we experience hardships in our lives? Do they serve a purpose?
2. How should we approach God, when these things happen? How will he treat us?
3. How can we overcome these hardships? Will we ever find a way to come out of these situations?

This passage opens with a greeting from James. He is addressing the 12 tribes scattered among the nations. Now there is some speculation as to who exactly the 12 tribes are (they could be the Jews themselves, or the Christians), but because the book of James seems to reference the Old Testament more than the new, I will say that James is talking to the Jews. I want you to keep this in mind as it is very important.
He then goes into the first part of what I am talking about. Hardships, why do we experience them and what is their purpose? The first question as to why we experience them isn’t even in the question. It says ‘when’ you experience trials of various kinds. When, is the keyword. It is a fact of life, you will experience hardships. Expect them, because it will happen. We live in a world of sin. Our sin is caused when we don’t love one another with as God would have us love. I mean Jesus did say that the greatest commandment was love the LORD your God, with all your heart mind and soul, and to love one another as you would yourself. Because we don’t love one another, we have hardships. It happens.
I don’t want to talk any more on this because it’s pretty straightforward. We will experience hardships, so we have to be prepared for them. Now, what benefit do these hardships hold? Well, according to James, hardships build up our perseverance, so we are complete and not lacking anything. In other words, trials help us to be perfect.
During school, I was living in residence. In res, there were an abundant supply of movies, video games, and awesome people. I loved living in residence! There was a problem with me living in residence, though. The problem was that there were all these things at my fingertips ready for me to waste my time with! There were more than a few nights that I stayed up far too late in order to complete an assignment that I could have completed days in advance. You know, laziness is a sin. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t have days when we’re just relaxing and having a good time, but if you have a job that needs to be done, then do it. It is your responsibility and Jesus does say ‘let your yes be yes and your no be no’. It’s one of those things I struggle with sometimes. I don’t know if you’ve ever been in this situation, but when I’ve spent the whole day playing video games or watching movies, I think to myself, ‘how can I be so dumb, wasting my time again’? I’m sure you all have at least one sin like that in your life where you wish it would just go away and stop bothering you. Even Paul had that one thing. He once said, ‘three times I prayed for this thorn to be removed from my flesh”, but it wasn’t removed. How awesome would it be if we did not have to struggle with that one reoccurring sin that we commit?
In this passage, it says we can be perfect, that it is attainable, but we just got to go through a lot of garbage first. Why do we have to go through this garbage? What is the benefit? Well, for that, let’s look at the word, ‘Persevere’. Actually, the Greek word probably more so resembles the word, ‘endurance’. Endurance means to last. It means to be able to last in tough situations. A track runner who runs the race on a 40 degree day while wearing weights has a lot of endurance if he is able to last through the entirety of the race. What this means for us is that for us to endure, we need to be able to last until the trial or hardship is over. This is a really hard task, but there is a way to do it. We need to learn what our mistakes were and try to avoid the things that tempt us. When I need to get down to an assignment, I turn off my computer and go to the Library. I cannot work near my computer seeing as it is more a source for fun than anything else. To endure, we need to separate us from what is keeping us from our goal, and in my case, it is my computer.
Another secret to enduring is encouragement. One time for a youth event, me and my youth group climbed Sulfur Mountain. Well, I’ve never climbed a mountain before, so this was tough for me. I was about to quit when I was almost at the top when my friends who were just before me shouted to me, ‘it’s only a bit further. You can do it’! At that, I sucked in a good amount of air and I hiked that mountain to the top! Friends, there is a reason the disciples went out by two’s. There is a reason the early Church were together almost 24/7. There is a reason why we meet at least twice a week, and sometimes more! We need one another. If we are going to endure trials and hardships, we need each other’s strength to pull us through! God put us together in community for this purpose.
Alright, so my first point, Trials will happen and they do serve a purpose. With trials we will get closer to perfection. We will cease doing the sins that we have done in the past. All we have to do to get to this reward of perfection is endure.
The second point, how should we approach God, when these things happen? How will he treat us? God asks us to approach Him. He wants us to question Him on this stuff. James puts it this way: “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him”. God knows you. God loves you. God even likes you and who you are. So because he loves you, He wants you to come to Him and ask for wisdom. He wants you to figure this stuff out! That’s the answer to the second question in this point, How will God treat us, but what about the first question? How should we approach Him? Well James says we need to approach Him without doubt! We should have faith that He will help us out. Where do we get this faith? Well, again, let’s look at who this letter is to. It is addressed to the Jews who are not in Israel. They are out of the Promised Land and are therefore without a home. I can relate to that. I know what it’s like to feel homeless. The Jews must have been going through a really tough time with all of this stuff. This isn’t the first time that this has happened to the Jews. In fact, I want to draw on something that Joshua from the Old Testament said to the Israelite community. When Joshua had taken the Promised Land with the rest of the Israelites, He gathered them together and told them about their dark history with the Egyptians, and reminded them of their time wandering in the desert. Even through all that, God was faithful! The Jewish history is filled with times of darkness and God being there to help His people out! In fact, I would describe the Old Testament as a love story between God and His people. He was always coming to the rescue! Did you ever hear the saying, to get respect you have to earn respect? Well God earned respect time and time again! Take a look at your own life. God’s rescued you, right? Has He acted in your life as powerfully as He has mine? God is the God of saving, can I get an amen on that? When you face trials and you approach God, remember what God has done for you in the past and know He will deliver you from what your experiencing now!
So point 2: Ask God with full faith that He will help you, and He will help you! At this point I want to say something else. Just because He will help you endure, and just because He will give you wisdom, it does not mean He will deliver you from the hardship. Remember, the hardship serves a purpose. It gives you endurance which is used to make us perfect!
Point three: How can we overcome these hardships? Will we ever find a way to come out of these situations? Guess what? I’ve already answered this question in point one and two! To overcome hardships, you need to endure. Two good ways to endure is to separate yourself from what causes you to stumble, and also to surround yourself with people who will help you out! The other way to overcome hardships is to ask God for help. When you ask God for help, you need to first believe that He can and will help you! To help your unbelief, look into your past. What has God done for you in the past to save you, and how will He deliver you now?
Now I mentioned a story from a few months ago where I felt like I had no family and no way of coping with my disastrous life. Do you remember the story? Well, I failed to mention a few things. You see, even though this hard time was upon me I was practicing what James taught. I endured, and I endured by separating myself from the thoughts that were bringing me down by confronting some of the people bringing me down. I surrounded myself with people who built into my life and were willing to help me out. I remembered all the things God had done for me in the past. In fact, whenever doubt entered my mind, I would pray, ‘but God, you brought me to Calgary and you have brought me through tough times, will you help me out again?’ Friends, I will tell you this, God wants you and wants you to live life through the fullest. Just because you will go through tough times, it does not mean God wants you to stay like that. Now I mentioned at the beginning of the sermon that there would be an alter call, and so I’m asking the worship band to come up and play one more song, and I am also asking a few people to come up to pray. What’s your story like this morning? Are you going through your own personal hell? Are you faced with problems to big to deal with on your own? Are you scarred? If you want, we can pray for you! Please, come forward for prayer. We are the community of Christ, and we need to be here for one another, so don’t be shy. If you want to come up, then please do!

People Change and it's Awesome

2009-11-29T21:02:00.000-08:00

To those who read my blog,

I thought it necessary to talk to you today about one person in particular. This person treated me harshly in the past. In fact, I was given the choice to live with him, but I turned it down because I was sure he'd treat me the same. I've come to a place in my life where I will only really surround myself with people who will speak positively into my life and not treat me like garbage. I didn't need that again. Just having him on the floor made me a little uncomfortable.

Well, sometimes you just have to ignore what the past holds, though that is a lot easier said than done. In fact, it took a breakdown on my part to actually see the love that this guy was going to share with me.

The person's name is Josh Jacobs. For those who know me personally probably also know him, but for those who don't know who he is, let me tell you one thing: I felt so much better about this guy coming into my life in the way that he did that I spent good money so he would go to a social event our school is putting on.

I tend to hold grudges, which is never good, but I like it when I get a chance for my grudges to be blown to pieces. Josh did that for me when he cared for me in my darkest time. The best part was when he admitted wrong for what he had done and was willing to make up for it. I had long since forgiven him, but I was happy he was willing to admit his mistake.

Well, I hope this helps you in some way. Maybe it's time for you to let go of some stupid grudge. You might need to reconcile with someone. I know I do in a few areas. It would be good to do that. Don't be like me and wait until a crisis point. Take advantage of today!

- Joshua

Sad Day

2009-11-26T22:14:00.000-08:00

To those who follow my blog,

Today is a sad day for me. I don't know why it's a sad day, though. I think it has something to do with me not working out today (that usually makes me feel better) or just the lack of snow, but today is a sad day.

I also think it may have to do with a few realizations I've come to. Sometimes, the right thing to do is unbearably hard. Waiting out the tough times I suppose is what makes us who we are, but in these times, I feel so frustrated. I wish that I didn't have morals or God guiding me (not to say I'm following His path perfectly anyways). I wish I could just give in, do the wrong thing and get over it.

Why does life have to be so confusing? Why do my desires have to be continuous and overbearing? Why am I my worst enemy? If I choose one path, it leads to ruin, and if I choose the other, it leads to destruction. One situation is favorable to get rid of my emotions that are plaguing me, and the other situation is favorable for another desirable outcome but would keep my sad feelings in tact and part of my life.

Now don't misunderstand the meaning behind this blog post. It is not so I can get advice on this very personal issue that I will not reveal the true nature of. It is to try and wrap my mind around this issue and really come to grips with what I feel to be at the center of Christianity: the tension.

The tension asks the question "How can I truly love the homeless, when I have an extra room in my house?", or the question "How can I eat my big mac when I say that I truly care about the hungry?". It also speaks to my situation, though you would not know how.

We live in a very specific time: the now and not yet. The Kingdom of God is now. His Spirit is upon us. He is here to deliver us from the pain of everyday life. His healing presence is so apparent. The Kingdom is not yet. He is not with us and although He can bring healing to every situation, He doesn't. He lets us work through issues and He lets us be sad and He lets us be frustrated.

On the one hand, God is with us, but on the other, He is not and it's frustrating because if He is with us, we can just go to Him about everything, but because He is also not He won't solve everything. My longing for this situation to be resolved is great, but I suppose my patients should be greater.

On a happier note, I do have blessing in my life. I get to go home for Christmas for the first time since I came out to Alberta. I am really excited to see my family and know what they are up too.

Anyways, I've bored you all enough. One last thing before I go, however. I am going to start posting my sermons on my blog. I don't know if my sermons really will help you in what you're going through, but hopefully they can, and hey, if nothing else, at least you might get some food for thought.

- Joshua

A Little Honesty Goes a Long Way...

2009-11-05T22:54:00.000-08:00

To those who read my blog,

Today, I was interviewed by two girls about my life and what I thought about it. I decided beforehand that the best course of action was to be completely honest with them. That meant that they knew about things I never felt comfortable talking to girls about before and as I talked to them, I started having a bit of a reaction. I got excited about something for once.

Hold up for a sec. To understand this, I have to explain my illness. I recently have come to terms with a sickness that runs in my family. It is an illness that leaves me too tired to wake up in the morning, and also unable to do the simplest of things. I have gotten very far behind in Greek because of this illness. It has been hard these last couple of days, but this conversation perked me up and put me in an excited mood. I feel better about things for the time being and actually want to get things done.

Anyways. That's enough ramblings for one day. Hope you're all having a good day where you are. Please keep me in your prayers.

- Joshua

An Apology

2009-11-03T22:33:00.001-08:00

Hello to those who read my blog,

I'm sorry for my emo out burst. Some stuff is going on, and it kind of sucks, but I'm doing alright so far this week.

I have not much to tell you this week, so I will leave it at that.

- Joshua

Feelings are Lame

2009-10-19T23:26:00.000-07:00

Hello all,

I have come to the conclusion that feelings are lame and I do not want them. I hate my feelings. More often than not, they make me feel bad about myself instead of good. If I have a good day, for example, I am sure to have a bad day soon that will spoil the good day. If I laugh, a flow of tears will follow in weeping. If ever I have had hope, it is filled with despair. If I fall in love which is said to be a very good feeling I will only be heart broken. If I have the same feeling all the time, then I do not need to worry at all about anything. I will not be sad, nor angry, nor depressed and only for the low cost of my other feelings which disappoint me anyways. Why not just leave all feelings at the door and forget about everything and embrace a life of gray instead of one with light and dark? After all, the dark times seem to outweigh the light.

I bet you might be thinking, "well, he's now going to give the other side of it all and mention how life with ultimate sorrow is good". You're wrong. There is no other side. All life is is disappointment. Perhaps not for all people, but for me for sure. Rejection is my home. Pain is my care-giver. Sorrow is my bed, and I may as well stop fighting it and go to sleep.

On another note, I'm going to give up sleep for a while. See how that goes. Hopefully the exhaustion will... well, I am not sure what the exhaustion will do, but may as well stay up seeing as sleep doesn't really help me defeat the sorrow in my life.

- Joshua

Encouragement

2009-05-25T09:43:00.001-07:00

To those who read my blogs,

I have to confess something. When I left my old Church, I felt unbelievably depressed. I was unsure if I wanted to continue pursuing being a pastor, continue on at Ambrose, and even pursuing life. It was not a good feeling at all. I started Church shopping in January. I wanted to find a Church where I could stay as far away from ministry as possible. I did not want to do anything, I just wanted to get healthy again in God.

Well, at the Church I found I got a bit of an awakening. It was a great place for me to heal up. In fact, I healed up so much that I started to desire ministry again. How crazy is that?

The funny thing is, that the more I go to this Church, the more I realize how important it is for me to be there. I am given opportunity to teach, one of the things I take great joy in, I learn more about the people, who I am loving more and more, and I even see this ministry being an encouragement to my future ministry which I believe will be working with Viet Gangs. I don't want to betray the trust of anyone at my Church, but let's just say for now that there is a similar interest.

It's funny how God works and operates. Here I thought I was just going to go to a Church for the purpose of healing, and then I end up getting better than I ever was! God is good, all the time, all the time, God is good!

- Joshua

The Missing Link and Why I Still Have Faith!

2009-05-21T23:25:00.000-07:00

To those who read my blogs,

Please read this article: http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2009/05/090519-missing-link-found.html

Have you read it? Good.

I do not care how many Missing Links are found, because it ill never shake my faith in God. A lot of Christians nowadays seem to be under this whole 'Seven Day Creation' thing where if God did not make the earth in seven days, then the Bible is lying. I am not one of them. Personally, I believe that God created the world, and how He did it is not something I care about particularly. the fact is, He did it. You cannot disprove God in anyway no matter how many missing links you find, because Genesis one was not written like a science text book, it was written as a poem. There are a lot of poetic features to Genesis 1 (the use of the number '7' for example) and therefore we should understand the chapter more as a parable written out for the ancient people than a step-by-step instruction manual for how God made the Earth.

So what if He used evolution to do it? Who cares! It's His choice, He's the God, He can do whatever He wants! Just because there is (or is not) a Missing Link, it does not take away from the fact that God created the world!

I have come to this conclusion, the only proof we have that God created the universe is the fact that the universe is here (there's a watch, so there must be a watch-maker, similarly, there is a universe, so there must be a universe maker). In theological terms, this is called the cosmological argument. Outside of that, there is nothing to prove God's existence except for personal interaction (talking to God) but that only proves Him to ourselves. No, we cannot prove God to anyone, and so there is no proof for anyone. There is also nothing that can disprove God. So because there is nothing to prove God, we need faith and that is what our salvation is based on, faith. Because God cannot be dis-proven, our faith is not stupid, because you can't prove He does not exist! Even if evolution is true (which I am not convinced it is nor do I think anyone will ever prove evolution true) it does not mean God does not exist. It just means He used something else to bring humans about.

Have faith, my readers, God is true!

- Joshua

The Greatest Commandments

2009-05-21T22:56:00.000-07:00

To those who read my blogs,

Have you ever insulted yourself? Have you ever said something really bad about you? Have you ever let what someone else said about you (as in something negative and untrue) become something you fully believe? Well here's what I have to say on that!

I was thinking about the greatest commandment because it is something that has always spoken to me since I became a Christian. Just so there is no confusion, here it is in the NASB: 37And He said to him, " 'YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND.'

38"This is the great and foremost commandment.

39"The second is like it, 'YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.'

40"On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets."

This is from Matthew 22:37-40.

Now the first greatest commandment is to Love God, and that seems like a no-brainer to me. God is good and He is worth loving. It is the second I want to speak on now!

Jesus says that we need to love one another as we do ourselves.
My question to you, the reader, is how do we love our neighbor if we do not love our self? I say it is impossible!

Before I continue, I will address something real quick. I am all about community. When I preach, even if it has nothing to do with community, I will mention the community of Christ. What I am saying here may seem like self absorbed garbage, but it's not.

The thing is, we need to realize the fundamental truth: that God loved us so much that He died on the cross for our sins. If we don't get that and insist on lowly prayers that call ourselves garbage or put ourselves to a very low standpoint, then we insult the person who loved us enough to both make us and die on a cross to save us. We need to take care of ourselves and know that we are worth something, or else we will not take proper care of others.

That's not to say that we are perfect and our sins are not really sins, because they are. Sinning is bad and we should not be doing it. Our sins are apart of us and make us dirty, but that does not change the fact that God loves you and you are worth something to Him, and to other people!

I hope this insight has helped you, the reader, out!

- Joshua

Turning Nothing into Something!

2009-05-10T22:09:00.001-07:00

To those who read my blogs,

Do I have a story for you! This week, was a bit of an eye-opener. Not only did I write the sermon in a half sleeping/half awake state, but I saved doing my sermon to the last minute (as per usual) and realized that my sermon required an alter call. Well, this means a few things. It means I have to ask the worship leader to do one more song at the end, it means I have to get spiritually strong people to help me pray for anyone who comes to the front, and it means I have to be willing to explain this thing that this church has never done before!

Well, I did it anyways, got the people involved and put it together last minute, and this is where it hits me. I am a pastor now, and I am not a very good one! I left everything to the last minute, got people involved far too late, and did something that may have turned out really wrong! Lord help me, I am a mess! I looked out to the crowd when I did the sermon, and it didn't look like people were getting it. I looked to my far left and up the stairs, and I saw the senior pastor looking (quite literally) down on me. I thought to myself, 'BAIL BAIL BAIL'! but I stayed the course and was willing to lie in the bed that I had made.

I finished the sermon, (which I felt was a mediocre one at best) and explained the alter call. The worship band came up and I stood at the front praying, not necessarily for someone to go up, because to be truthful I did not expect anyone to come up, but for God to be in that place, and He was, and I should never ever doubt Him or His ability to turn nothing special into something spectacular!

Three people came up. Three. Now keep in mind that my Church is not that big to begin with. Also keep in mind that this Church has never done an alter call before. I would have considered it a success if one person showed up at the alter, but three did! Then the confrontation came. That's right, I got confronted about my sermon. The girl confronting me told me it was the best sermon she has ever heard. What the heck am I supposed to do with that? Well, I'll tell you what I am supposed to do with that, blame it on God. There is no way my hurried sermon, rushed so I could meet a deadline and written while I was super tired, could have been anything special, but for some reason it was and for that I blame God! It's His fault, He only chose to use me (which sometimes I wonder why me).

I really felt God speak to me in this experience. He was saying, 'it's ok, you can rely on Me. I won't let you down, but the thing is, you are now participating in your calling, which means you have responsibility'. Today was the day I told my parents that I am a pastor, and today (even though I have led an English Ministry at another Church and was basically their pastor and even though I have been a pastor at this Church for a few weeks now) today I became a pastor, devoted to bringing the flock God's given me to a better understanding of Him. Let's just hope I don't screw it up, but I have a feeling that even if I do, God can still take my nothing and turn it into His something!

- Joshua

A Confession

2009-05-10T21:39:00.000-07:00

To those who read my blogs,

If you read my bio, it would tell you that I have a calling to English Ministries in a Vietnamese Church. I still believe that is true, but the thing is, I have not been in a Vietnamese Church for a little while. When I started this blog, I was, but now I'm not. I could not handle being there. Their vision and my vision did not line up and I had to leave. I was hurt, and so I sought out a new Church, not to do ministry but to heal.

Well, God blessed me with a new Church. It was just what I needed. A Church that builds into me and makes me want to do ministry! I love this Church a lot and it makes me feel good being there. I am so happy there that I accepted a job as a pastor there. At least, the senior pastor called me a pastor to the Korean congregation. I am only an assistant to the real pastor there, a man of great character whom I respect a lot. I preach and I lead so I feel like a pastor now. I actually love it.

I hope you all understand that this has been a hard transition for me, so it was difficult to say all these things out loud. It has now been said and I feel better for it. I hope to share more stuff as time goes on!

- Joshua

2009-05-04T20:38:00.000-07:00

To those who read my blogs,

I have an apology to make. In my first post, I told you all that I would be adding my writing to some of these blogs, and I haven't been. So here is one of my favorite poems. It's a bit spelled out, but I still like it!

Light
By: Joshua T. Aitkenhead

At dawn He comes to reveal a way
One that was hidden before it was day.
Growing ever stronger as day's middle busts,
Growing ever stronger as day meets dusk.
Truth is seen but casts a shadow
Darkness of an object is his greatest foe.
But He comes day after day as I have said,
Revealing truth, what most people dread!

Getting Your Priorities Straight

2009-04-14T22:28:00.000-07:00

To those who read my blogs,

My school does a chapel. It goes on twice a week on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I love it. It isn't exactely a Church service, we do alternate forms of worship and we get to hear from the student body & from faculty members as well! It is great. The only issue is that not a lot of people come to these chapel services. I must admit, I do not have the best attendance out there, but I try my best to make it to most of them. Well, this past chapel was a little different. The place was packed. People had to get new chairs it was so full. So why was I so disgusted at this chapel service? Scholarships were being handed out. Scholerships. The place wasn't packed because of an overwhelming need of Christ and community in the hearts of those there... it was filled because people wanted money! Really? Money? I could not stand it!

Now let's look at this for a second. Chapel is not mandatory, and people have lives outside of Chapel. Sometimes, people are too busy, or their lifestyle does not leave room for God. Fair enough. Everyone has their own stuff and I should not be the judge of that because I'd do a horrific job. If that is the case, then don't come to Chapel in the first place. The scholerships can be sent to you in a different way. If you are going to come to chapel, then at least put your heart into it! Here is what really disgusted me. I saw two girls in the back (one whome I used to be attracted to) studying flash cards during prayer and bible readings. Now it must not look to good on my part if I am snooping on two girls, but this is not exactely the case. I sit at the back because I run power point and I am also add. I was gonna notice if a mouse ran by behind me even if I was concentrating on the service, so there was no way that I'd miss this! I felt sick after I saw it! I thought it was so wrong! Here we are, 'devoting' our time to God, but really, we couldn't care less about what God might have to say and more about what is going on in our own lives! It's just the same old individualistic crap that the North American Church spews out! "Look out for yourself, because you're all that matters. Even if you have to sacrifice community and God"! And that's just it! They were sacrificing community, because we were all there together in commmunity trying to listen to what God had to say. Not only were they in their own world, but they were disrupting community more by distracting me (and possibly others) with their stupid flash cards! If your heart is not in it, then why are you even there...

The second issue I had with chapel today was this: I mentioned there were people going to get chairs to sit down... what I failed to mention was that there were chairs available, but you'd have to split off from your friends and sit with strangers or at least people you don't know too well. What is the big deal with that? Christianity is about community. The only creation God called 'not good' in the bginning was the single man. God had to make a woman for humanity to be considered good! Why can't we step out of our comfort zone once so we can experience more community? Is that too much to ask?

The last thing I wanted to mention was how chapel itself was violated. I mean, it is obvious a lot of those people did not want to be there... they never show up to any other chapel service , so why this one? Instead of making the time most of us devote to God, a time where we devote ourselves to getting money, why not make the time devoted to getting money on a seperate time! I came to the last chapel of the year dissapointed and spiritually upset because instead of pursuing God, we pursued money, and the almighty dollar is the god that really matters in our lives... or at least it seems to be the case for people in our school!

I know this blog post is a bit of a rant, but I really had to get this off my chest! Does anyone agree with this position? Am I totally off-base? I know there is an exception to every rule, but do I have an argument here? I don't know...

- Joshua

It's Been Some Time Since I Did This...

2009-04-09T14:36:00.000-07:00

To those who read my blog:

I have not done a blog in a while, and I noticed in my gmail a crypted message from another blogger, so I remembered about doing this and yeah. We'll see what comes out!

So, I am at a new Church. It's been really good. I love the people there and they are giving me oppurtunities to do stuff without neglecting to build into me. I feel loved and cared for! The only issue I have with this new arrangement is what I'm bringing into it. I feel as though I'm being stand-offish and also, I find that I interupt people a lot. It's not good. I don't know where this is coming from, but hopefully God can help me with it. Well, I know He can, it's just a matter of letting Him.

That being said, I think I am finally truly learning the lesson of 'letting God live through me'. My prayer life is better, my Bible reading life is better. Things are just better and I find that I am connecting with God in great ways!

Now I want to talk about girls (as I ussually do) but in a different way! I think God has cured my eyes of wandering from one girl to the next. I'm just happy enough being friends with some girls and not really looking for any sort of relationship! It is so freeing to not being worried if a girl likes me or not. I'm happy being single for the first time in a long time! No major crushes right now, nothing! I hope this continues for a while...

The last thing I will write is a prayer request:

1) That I would continue to seek God's face first. I've been learning lately (or at least thinking about it) how people would sooner seek God's hands (what He will do for us) than His face (what is on His heart, and who He is). I want to seek His face first, and not His hands... though I still think it's important to seek His hands which brings me to my next prayer request...

2) I need a place and a job for the summer. I have a few leads on these things, but nothing concrete. If I could receive prayer for this, I'd greatly appreciate it!

Thanks everyone!

Sincerely,

Joshua T. Aitkenhead

Helpless At Last

2009-02-19T23:49:00.001-08:00

To those who read my blogs,

My neck pain came back with a vengeance over the weekend. It was brutal. I was at a retreat with the four major Vietnamese Churches in Alberta, and during the last session I could hardly move. There was even talk about taking me to the hospital, but luckily someone there was a paramedic and assured me that was not necessary. So, onto the real meat of the story.

My neck was in pain and I just wanted to sleep, so I went to a room with some people to do that. 2 guys who I mentor on and off were there to see me through and here is where it gets interesting for me. I needed a 15 year old boy to actually lower me into bed. I was in that much pain. Have you ever felt so bad you needed someone who is younger than you to help you in that way? I'm 22 now, not 102. I shouldn't need this kind of assistance. I was asking God what I could learn from this and I think He told me.

You see, the speaker for the weekend stressed one main point: God wants us to fully rely on Him to live out the Christian walk. I have been doing so many things on my own strength to try and fulfill God's call on my life (in fact, that is part of the reason I left my old Church) but God wants to live this life through me. He wants me to rely on Him when I am weak (which is all the time). I hope that I am not too proud to listen.

There. A post NOT about girls. See? I have a bit of depth to me!

- Joshua

Girl Issues... again (do I ever talk about anything else?)

2009-02-19T23:37:00.001-08:00

To those who read my blog,

I want you all to know that I am not all that bad at begining interactions with girls. I have received training from the best in that area. I can go up to most girls who do not know me too well and turn on the charm to it's fullest potential. In fact, if you were to set me loose on a bar, I bet you I could get at least one number within an hour without relying on buying her an alchoholic drink (i think I'd get her a coke or something). My problem is the follow through. Girls get my charm, and then it's like I've got nothing else to give them. I think it is mostly a problem of falsehoods.
When I turn on my charm, sure that's a part of me, but it's not who I am on a daily basis. I don't really know who I am on a daily basis. It changes all the time...
I wrote in another blog that I become a little bit creepy... maybe I do, and maybe that's a real part of me as well. A part that is not welcomed but a part none the less. Maybe, the best option for me right now is to avoid women at all costs. That would work except I know myself too well. I like being around women and I like joking around with them. I think a more realistic goal for me is to spend some more time with God trying to figure out who I am. Maybe then I will know what I am unleashing when I see certain girls and what I am holding back.
Pray for me readers, I am but a fool in the matters of the heart.

Sincerely,
Joshua T. Aitkenhead

Recomendations

2009-02-19T23:34:00.001-08:00

To those who read my blog,

I will be posting this on my facebook as well, but as many of you aren't on my facebook, I thought it best to share it here as well. I thought I'd share my opinion on a few things I have seen and experienced this past week. Nothing philosophical, but an opinion none the less. I hope you consider it for what it is and know that my opinion, like anyone else’s, can be very much wrong. So, without any further jibber jabber, here it goes.
Push (movie):
I really, really, wanted this to be good. Before this movie, I had a lot of respect for Dakota Fanning, and she didn’t do horrible in the movie, but she did debase herself. All throughout the movie I couldn’t get past how short her skirt is. It is ridiculously short. Fanning is about 12 and plays a 12 year old in the movie and they have her running around in a skirt that puts strippers to shame? Sick. Gross. Not good. That alone makes the movie not worth watching, but there’s more. So, the basic premise for the movie is that in the world there are a bunch of psychics, and these psychics all have very specific powers that allow them to only do certain things. Some can use their mind to push an idea into someone else’s head, or they can tell the future, or they can move things around. There are others, but I don’t really want to remember them (in honesty, I am trying to repress all memories about this horrible film). The idea would work well except for one thing: some characters seem to have more than one power even though they are only supposed to have one (and I say they are only supposed to have one not because I want them to have only one, but because the movie itself says they are only to have one). The main character is a mover; he moves things with his mind. He’s not presented as being smart at all, but for some reason he is able to come up with a really complicated plan to save the love interest. He’d have to be smart or a watcher (teller of the future) in order to plan everything out with as much certainty as he did. That was probably the biggest thing that stood out, but there were so many other things that I could talk about, but I won’t. I highly suggest never going to see this movie, but if you are curious (and you can get past pedophile fantasy Dakota) then you are at least in for a good laugh at how utterly bad this movie is. I give the movie a 2.0 out of 10. I think I’d even be willing to go lower, but am hesitant on doing so as once you give a 0 or a 1, you define what the bottom is.
Tales of Symphonia: Dawn of a New World (game):
I had mixed feelings going into this game because of Nintendo Power gave it an 8.0 and an alright review, but I rather enjoyed it. Seeing as I want to end this one off on a high note, I will first say what disappointed me, then what made me smile. So, the world map. It was kind of lame. Part of the great feel of any good RPG is the feeling of discovering a new world before you, and what with this being a brand new world based on the events of the first game (sorry if I spoiled it a bit) I was looking forward to exploring the great outdoors. That did not happen. Instead, we got a list of locations and you chose it and went there automatically. It’s kind of lame if you ask me. Also it would have made capturing monsters a lot easier which brings me to my second complaint. Who’s that copy-right infringement? It’s Tales! In this game you went out and caught monsters to help you in this journey. It made sense why you had to do it, and I kind of liked having them in my crew but there were problems with it that just made me wish it did not exist. One such problem was the non-foolproof way of catching them. Sometimes after a battle, a monster would be available to join you, and sometimes the monster would actually join with you, but it happened less often than one would hope. There was also the evolution process of the monsters. That was a little more than ridiculous. Sometimes the monster would evolve backwards, which made me angrier than anything else. I would just finish evolving it to a great monster, and then another evolution would come up and would get me more excited about it, but then I would find that the evolution was a step back. I think they should have just forgot about the monsters and focused on the other characters. I don’t want to complain about this game anymore because I seriously loved it. Here’s what was good about it: it kept me on my toes. There was a plot twist they were working for a little while, and then out of nowhere they twisted that plot twist. A plot twist on a predictable plot twist was not expected, but it sure was welcomed. The battling was fun. I loved being the main character and fighting off all the different monsters and villains. You could even customize your characters to fit your unique fighting style, and I did. One think I felt was lacking from Final Fantasy VII was the character development. All the characters seemed to just suddenly change and you as the gamer was supposed to just accept it. Not so for Tales. Not only could you see the story playing out, you could see the protagonist changing and becoming better. You saw his struggles and also what formed his final resolution. It was so nice to see especially as it seems to be left out of far too many RPG’s. The last thing I want to touch on is a little sappy, but it’s something that I would love to see in more RPG’s. It’s usually hinted at that the male and female main characters are in love, but usually nothing ever happens. This game took a risk and drew out a love story, and it worked. It completely paid off for them, though it was forced near the beginning. At the end, everything was wrapped up in one way or another (there were two endings, both good, but significantly different from one another). I would give this game an 8.5, just because I loved the story so much and I wanted to rate it better than Nintendo Power did.
School for Scoundrels (movie):
Do you want to sit around for an hour and a half and just laugh and laugh and laugh, then go see an Adam Sandler movie. Although this movie is one of those ‘I don’t have to think about what’s going on’ kind of movies, there were still things that bugged me about it. I think it made me think too much and that was not what I think the purpose of the movie was supposed to be. Thorton’s character wasn’t too believable, and Heder’s character seemed to develop too rapidly. Was this movie hilarious? Yes. But it betrays itself by making you think too hard. I would give it a 6.0. Worthy to watch, but probably not to own.
Dan in Real Life (movie):
Before you read this, do me a favor. Go to your nearest video store and BUY THIS MOVIE! I just watched it and it was so good. Steve Carell plays a single father of three girls (yikes). He tells his oldest daughter not to drive because he’s concerned about how well she will drive and he tells his middle daughter that it is impossible to fall in love with someone after only three days. The last daughter was somewhat left out of the picture (or maybe I just missed it) until the very end. Well, Carell becomes a horrible driver and falls in love within three days. Unlike School for Scoundrels this movie is funny and a thinker and delivers on both parts, which probably meant it was supposed to do both things. It taught me a lesson about life and love, and it made me laugh so hard so many times. I want to tell you more about this movie, but to be honest, go and see it for yourself. It is worth it, trust me! I give it a 9.0. I’d give it a higher score, but I am afraid of defining the top.
Well, that’s it for me. Thanks for reading this and I hope my ramblings have shown you something you might not have noticed before.

Feelin' Encouraged

2009-02-09T01:20:00.000-08:00

To Those Who Read My Blog,

I was just having a long chat with a few guys on the floor I'm living on and I feel great. I still want relationship with a girl, but its nice to know I've got my brothers in Christ to support me. Hopefully I will meet the one girl I am not creepy and weird around, but for now I'm good. If you want to know more of why I am feeling good, then please look up Genesis 2:18. God knows what I am going through and He'll help me out.

- Joshua

Apparently I am 13 Again

2009-02-08T20:57:00.000-08:00

To those who read my blog,

First off, if any of you did pray for me, thank you. I appreciate it. My neck feels a lot better now.

Now, onto some actual stuff. I like this girl. In fact, I am really attracted to her. The thing is, I don't know anything about her. I just know she is gorgeous, she goes to my school, and she has a good senes of humor.

Here's the main problem: when I am around her, I cannot speak. In fact, I turn into a 13 year old boy who is all shy and creepy. Yes, readers, I am really creepy around girls I like. I hate that I am, but I am.

Yesterday I had to bake cookies for someone whose cookies I ate and I decided to give a plate to this girl as a gift. She came right out and asked if there was anything else behind those cookies and I just rattled off some lame excuse that I was looking forward to getting to know her and her friends over the next few weeks. I just couldn't tell her that I am in fact attracted to her. Lame sauce.

anyways, that is my rant for the evening. I am sorry there is no spiritual aspect to it... though I did wish tonight that God did not make me a relational person.

- Joshua

Lame

2009-02-04T14:10:00.000-08:00

To those who read my blogs,

My neck is killing me. I need to end this pain but I know not how to do it. Please pray for me.

- Joshua

Without a Family

2009-01-13T23:51:00.000-08:00

To those who read my blogs,

I am a lonely person. I have been lonely for a long time now. I think if you were to have read my last blog post, you would get a taste of how lonely I really am.

I feel like I've lost my sense of family. I was never close with my family, but at least I had a biological attachment, which is something I don't have right now (my family is in Ontario and I am in Alberta). I recently left the church I considered home for 2 years because things were just far too difficult for me there. A lot of my close friends have moved onto greater and beter things and though I am happy for them, I still miss their pressence. A person whom I trusted in fully felt very distant when I saw him last and as I see him rarely, this shocked, confused, and hurt me. I also left the apartment I knew for almost a year with the wonderful landlords that I loved a lot. I sometimes feel like I have no one and it scares me. It scares me and it hurts me.

Well, I prayed one day about this. It was bassically me complaining to God about a whole crap load of things. All of it had to do with my imopending lonelines and my desire for someone to love me for who I am. An unexpected thing happened. Well, I suppose I should have expected it, but I didn't. God answered my prayer. That night as I was trying my hardest to fall asleep, I turned over and saw a head poke over my bunk-bed railing. It was one of the guys who lives on the floor of residence that I moved into. He told me that he thought I was "pretty cool". I found one friend. I do not need to be fully lonely now. But that's not all. I also went to a youth group night for my praticum, and I got a ride home from someone. It was a man, his wife, and their daughter (who is in the youth group I work at). They invited me over for dinner, and I felt like there was still something inside me that others felt attractive. I found more friends. The last person I will mention is a saint among our residence. His name will surely be famous, if only among those around him. He rebuked me for my sin in a bad way, but he knew it was bad and was going to approach me about it for an apology, but I got there first to thank him for the rebuke. This may not seem that great, but I truly appreciated him looking out for me. I had another.

The point is, it may seem utterly hopeless at times, but people can surprise you and show you love. You are not alone. It may seem like it at times, but even if the whole world is against you, God is there for you. That ay seem very cliche, but it's true. And if God is with you, you will find people who will love you for you.

Sincerely,
Joshua T. Aitkenhead

The touch that I long for...

2008-12-22T22:25:00.000-08:00

To those who read my blog,

It has been quite a while, but I found something profound rattling away in my head, so I thought I would share it.

As we speak, I am at my mentor's house with his family. I thoroughly enjoy being near him and his. I feel at peace with all seven of them (his wife and five children). If I am to be completely honest though, I feel the most peace when I am talking one on one with my mentor. we talk about theology and struggles with ministry that we both share, but above all else, I open up to him about things I dare not share with anyone else. Although I will not share with you exactely what we were talking about that sparked this sudden thought in my head, I will share with you (even before I tell him of the revelation) what it has produced. Please consider this fortunate!

So, I realized something of myself. I enjoy the human touch more than anything. It comes with the type of Church I came from (everyone hugged there). I love the feeling of a good hug and know that kissing is a great pass time. there is, however, an issue. There's a verse in Matthew that talks about how if your hand causes you to sin, you should cut it off, and although I do not think the verse is being literal but instead using a literary device to illustrate the point, I do think the message is clear. Kissing for me always leads to something that is not welcomed within my own soul. It leads to impure thoughts and actions that I am too bashful to admit even on the internet which features things that will make even the most deragned person blush.

I realized this truth about myself four years ago when I was only 17 and was making mistakes that won't soon be forgotten at least in my mind. It has been four long years since I felt the lips of a young woman on my lips, and I miss it terribly. As I am even with-holding hugs from my female friends (as I do not want my future girlfriend to feel as if I offer her only what I offer everyone else) I forget what it feels like to have that warm body pressed against mine for even a moment. I miss it terribly.

I wish God could reach out to me and tell me who it is exactely that I am going to marry, so that I could hurry up and find her so that I may hug again, and then later kiss (among other things that married people do). I find it hard watching most movies where there is a male protagonist and a female love interest as I long for the same experience they have when I see them about to kiss. Even in a film like October Sky where the main focal point is not the love interest, but the fact that four boys are sending rockets into the sky, even in such a movie like that, I end up envying the main character and his female love interest as they close in for that fated kiss.

I suppose it would be wise to long for God in the way (and much more than) that I long for a woman. He is much more than a woman, and He did create everything, but if I am to be completely honest, I would much rather right now to be in the arms of a woman who loves me back more than being in the arms of my saviour. This changes from day to day depending on how good my relationship with God is at the moment, but right now I just want to hold and be held by a beautiful woman, and I think it is safe to say that is not too much to ask for!

I hope you all found joy in what I wrote, and may it comfort you in some way!

Sincerely yours,
Joshua T. Aitkenhead

On the subject of videogames...

2008-06-29T21:05:00.000-07:00

Hello...

I haven't written something for a while... but something just kind of came to me.

I never owned a Gamecube... but because of my good friend, Greg, I played a lot of games from the gamecube era. When I got a Wii (which is completely backwards compatible) I started buying gamecube games that I really enjoyed and something hit me like a ton of bricks. Most of my games are NOT Nintendo games. They are made by third party deveolpers.
In my opinoin, Nintendo didn't do so well last generation. They made a lot of goofy games out of their normally awesome stand-by's (Legend Of Zelda: Wind Waker comes to mind) What happens is the die-hard fans don't get what they wanted. They get something silly instead. But it's all what you make of it.
My friend Nathan had a lot of Gamecube games, and he enjoyed every last one. He endured through that in order to get to what was good in the Wii generation (which has a bunch of awesome Nintendo Titles).
All this also reminds me of when Israel was in the Wilderness. The children of the sinful generation had to endure the pain of 40 years in the desert, but it was because of complaining that their parents weren't going to come in, so I doubt they complained much. They endured and made the best of it, and when they got into the Promised Land and it was good.
Unfortunately for me, that's what I feel Church will be like for the next little while: an endurance test. I think I failed the first part by complaining, and in order to get to the Promised Land, I have to endure all that will be happening over the Summer. I hope I will be able to while instiling hope and love into the lives of those around me. If you're reading this and you're a Christian, I hope you will pray for me and myChurch. I don't know quite what God has in store, but I really don't want to stand against the Spirit of the Lord.
Thanks for hearing me out.

- Joshua

What you can expect from my blog

2008-04-14T10:14:00.000-07:00

To all those who read my blog,

I think it would be beneficial to outline exactely what you might see popping up in my blog. Deffinately my thoughts on current events and situations in my life, but also song lyrics and other readings that have inspired me, and what I think of them. Also any poetry or any other form of writing written by me that I am particularly fond of.
I suppose that's it. It's taking me a while to get used to this whole blog thing. For example, I still have trouble finding my own friend's blogs and reading them. I don't know. I hope I can actually do something with this...
Anyways, I suppose I have talked long enough for now. Have a great day (or night... you know, whenever you're reading this). talk to you later.

- Joshua T. Aitkenhead

I'm here...

2008-04-08T10:49:00.000-07:00

To those who read this

So, I have to admit one thing: when I see something that my mentor does, I like to mimic it. Russ McDermott has a blog where he talks about the Spiritual playing out in the news. Maybe not specifically Spiritual in the sense that someone saw God, but issues that could be resolved using God's Holy Word. I thought it might be good to start a blog and do the same thing as this man, Russ McDermott, has taught me more about Jesus and the proper way to live than any other man [well, besides Jesus, but He was also God =P]
So here is my blog!!!! I never thought I would be using one or would have one, but here it is!!!! I hope you enjoy it!!!!

Your brother in Christ,

Joshua T. Aitkenhead