Hello all,
I have come to the conclusion that feelings are lame and I do not want them. I hate my feelings. More often than not, they make me feel bad about myself instead of good. If I have a good day, for example, I am sure to have a bad day soon that will spoil the good day. If I laugh, a flow of tears will follow in weeping. If ever I have had hope, it is filled with despair. If I fall in love which is said to be a very good feeling I will only be heart broken. If I have the same feeling all the time, then I do not need to worry at all about anything. I will not be sad, nor angry, nor depressed and only for the low cost of my other feelings which disappoint me anyways. Why not just leave all feelings at the door and forget about everything and embrace a life of gray instead of one with light and dark? After all, the dark times seem to outweigh the light.
I bet you might be thinking, "well, he's now going to give the other side of it all and mention how life with ultimate sorrow is good". You're wrong. There is no other side. All life is is disappointment. Perhaps not for all people, but for me for sure. Rejection is my home. Pain is my care-giver. Sorrow is my bed, and I may as well stop fighting it and go to sleep.
On another note, I'm going to give up sleep for a while. See how that goes. Hopefully the exhaustion will... well, I am not sure what the exhaustion will do, but may as well stay up seeing as sleep doesn't really help me defeat the sorrow in my life.
- Joshua
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