To those who read my blog,
It has been quite a while, but I found something profound rattling away in my head, so I thought I would share it.
As we speak, I am at my mentor's house with his family. I thoroughly enjoy being near him and his. I feel at peace with all seven of them (his wife and five children). If I am to be completely honest though, I feel the most peace when I am talking one on one with my mentor. we talk about theology and struggles with ministry that we both share, but above all else, I open up to him about things I dare not share with anyone else. Although I will not share with you exactely what we were talking about that sparked this sudden thought in my head, I will share with you (even before I tell him of the revelation) what it has produced. Please consider this fortunate!
So, I realized something of myself. I enjoy the human touch more than anything. It comes with the type of Church I came from (everyone hugged there). I love the feeling of a good hug and know that kissing is a great pass time. there is, however, an issue. There's a verse in Matthew that talks about how if your hand causes you to sin, you should cut it off, and although I do not think the verse is being literal but instead using a literary device to illustrate the point, I do think the message is clear. Kissing for me always leads to something that is not welcomed within my own soul. It leads to impure thoughts and actions that I am too bashful to admit even on the internet which features things that will make even the most deragned person blush.
I realized this truth about myself four years ago when I was only 17 and was making mistakes that won't soon be forgotten at least in my mind. It has been four long years since I felt the lips of a young woman on my lips, and I miss it terribly. As I am even with-holding hugs from my female friends (as I do not want my future girlfriend to feel as if I offer her only what I offer everyone else) I forget what it feels like to have that warm body pressed against mine for even a moment. I miss it terribly.
I wish God could reach out to me and tell me who it is exactely that I am going to marry, so that I could hurry up and find her so that I may hug again, and then later kiss (among other things that married people do). I find it hard watching most movies where there is a male protagonist and a female love interest as I long for the same experience they have when I see them about to kiss. Even in a film like October Sky where the main focal point is not the love interest, but the fact that four boys are sending rockets into the sky, even in such a movie like that, I end up envying the main character and his female love interest as they close in for that fated kiss.
I suppose it would be wise to long for God in the way (and much more than) that I long for a woman. He is much more than a woman, and He did create everything, but if I am to be completely honest, I would much rather right now to be in the arms of a woman who loves me back more than being in the arms of my saviour. This changes from day to day depending on how good my relationship with God is at the moment, but right now I just want to hold and be held by a beautiful woman, and I think it is safe to say that is not too much to ask for!
I hope you all found joy in what I wrote, and may it comfort you in some way!
Sincerely yours,
Joshua T. Aitkenhead
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